One-Shot (31/12/09)

Like I needed any more ammunition to lament this once-unrivaled show's descent into mediocrity.

One-Shot (30/12/09)

In my second year of university, I wrote a terrible script for class concerning a young woman afflicted by Body Identity Integrity Disorder. Before clicking play on this trailer, I said to myself "there's no way my garbage script will be better than this." I was wrong. Armless boasts an awful title and even worse promo. It's appalling on every level, but the music just kills it. I half expected some cheesy voice over guy to come in...

"John seems like an ordinary guy... except for ONE THING!!! ...."

One-Shot (29/12/09)

Avatar rocks.

One-Shot (28/12/09)

Having a serious think about all of this. Status Quo can't be sustained.

One-Shot (27/12/09)

In the highly unlikely event that anyone actually tried to use that link in the previous One-Shot to listen to our Christmas special, it had to be taken off due to - as we in the business say - "technical difficulties." This is neither my nor Chris's fault. However, I'm still going to say sorry. That's how sorry I am that we can't share it with the world the way we wanted.

One-Shot (26/12/09)

The key to self-promotion as I understand it: repeat without shame.

One-Shot (25/12/09)

Merry Christmas/happy holidays! It's officially over a year since we started this train. Here's to hoping the New Year will inject some much needed Christophe.

One-Shot (24/12/09)

Part 2 to yesterday's. Kinda. Don't let Leonidas fans tell you any different: Russel Crowe's Maximus was cinema's hard man in the 00's.

One-Shot (23/12/09)

I haven't seen Gladiator in about a decade. Rectification must happen. Furthermore, this should never have been allowed to happen in the first place.

One-Shot (22/12/09)

"The Daddy" of movie podcasts reaches a glorious half-century. Here's to 5o more!

One-Shot (21/12/09)

Back-Talk turns 30. Pause for care.

One-Shot (20/12/09)

It's five days 'til Christmas. What the beg?

One-Shot (19/12/09)

Favourite cinematic curmudgeon? Paul Giamatti's Harvey Pekar, probably.

One-Shot (18/12/09)

Never assume.

One-Shot (17/12/09)

Never forget: Internet message boards have their reputation for a reason. Exercise caution.

One-Shot (16/12/09)

It's very tough to add "or whatever" to a sentence and not sound ignorant.

One-Shot (15/12/09)

Are there any words more irritating than "Internet Explorer/Firefox/whatever cannot display the webpage?"

One-Shot (14/12/09)

"The Trees" by Rush is the nerdiest song ever. This is not an insult. If you needed telling that, why are you here?

One-Shot (13/12/09)

Does a bad accent make a bad performance? Absolutely not.

One-Shot (12/12/09)

Lest you forget to chase salted peanuts with cold beer.

One-Shot (11/12/09)

In answer to the poll question, Michael Owen. Every time. And I say that not just as a United supporter, but as a sensible human being.

One-Shot (10/12/09)

A move sure to delight United fans, if it materializes.

One-Shot (09/12/09)

Yes! Even though I probably shouldn't, I expect something grand for the hundredth episode.

One-Shot (08/12/09)

Mixing up your vocabulary is usually a good thing. However, some phrases have one use and one use only. Affirmative action is one such phrase. Use with caution.

One-Shot (07/12/09)

New word of the day: resode.

One-Shot (06/12/09)

Foo Fighters, the eponymous rock band's debut album, may have replaced The Colour and the Shape as their best album in my estimation.

One-Shot (05/12/09)

Deep RiverRock Still Pear is the nuts.

One-Shot (04/12/09)

Question no-one will answer: has the poll reset itself, possibly due to lack of use, or is it just my ongoing computer woes? By the way, if any One-Shots should not happen in future, you'll have those to thank.

One-Shot (03/12/09)

If in doubt: a ham and cheese toastie on white bread with brown sauce. Coffee and shortbread optional.

One-Shot (02/12/09)

If I were a superhero, I think hypocrisy would be my Kryptonite. That way, I could be more sophisticated than just having a rogue's gallery of villains - I'd also be my own worst enemy.

One-Shot (01/12/09)

I want to see justice served as much as the next guy, but the F.A.I. could do with letting this whole World Cup thing go now.

One-Shot (30/11/09)

There's nothing like an unprecedented computer debacle to warp your mood.

One-Shot (29/11/09)

Feelin' kind?

One-Shot (28/11/09)

"Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything." Life-affirming stuff, Miss Lionheart.

One-Shot (27/11/09)

Jets to Brazil's 2002 release Perfecting Loneliness is great all year round, but best enjoyed at Winter time.

One-Shot (26/11/09)

I've said in the past that I'd happily impose a moratorium on all songs by The Kooks. Though I stand by this, it's with sadness and disbelief that I must report I caught myself singing along to one of their songs today. Great sadness.

One-Shot (25/11/09)

How long does it take for a subject to go from a recurrent theme of interest to monotony? Don't ask Gary Lightbody.

One-Shot (24/11/09)

I've laboured long and hard to articulate how I feel much of the time, but I think I may finally have cracked it. Ahem: "Twats to the right of him. Twats to the left of him. Twats in front of him, follied and blundered."

One-Shot (23/11/09)

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 really is that good online.

One-Shot (22/11/09)

The view from where I'm sitting.

One-Shot (21/11/09)

The omission of Andy Parsons, the least amusing person on the planet, immediately invalidates this list of unfunny comedians.

One-Shot (20/11/09)

To paraphrase Eamon Dunphy, the fact that Twilight's second installment is called The Twilight Saga: New Moon is a wort on the ass of humanity.

One-Shot (19/11/09)

A joke. Correction, an Andy Parsons joke.

One-Shot (18/11/09)

Surely, it's not so much a case of "if", but "when."

One-Shot (17/11/09)

"Outshined" by Soundgarden is heavier than I remembered. And proof if further were needed that one needn't detune to ridiculous degrees to achieve this.

One-Shot (16/11/09)

Plug plug plug.

One-Shot (15/11/09)

Adidas is the Rita Hayworth of sportswear manufacturers... a timeless beauty. Exhibit A.

One-Shot (14/11/09)

At what point does a homage become laziness? Don't ask Infinity Ward/Activision, because Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - surprise, surprise - is rife with James Cameronisms.

One-Shot (13/11/09)

This is why I miss it when it's not around.

One-Shot (12/11/09)

Brain-farts are the worst.

One-Shot (11/11/09)

If musicians were awarded influence royalty payments, Bob Mould could buy and sell our sorry asses.

One-Shot (10/11/09)

You know you're screwed, when the movie character you identify with most is this guy.

One-Shot (09/11/09)

Richard Kelly is the directorial equivalent of cheap Chinese food. Disappointment (seeing The Box/grogginess) is inevitable, yet the outcome is never in question.

One-Shot (08/11/09)

Lame.

One-Shot (07/11/09)

Try to stifle your laughter until 54 seconds in. All will be revealed.

One-Shot (06/11/09)

This sounds like a joke from 30 Rock.

One-Shot (05/11/09)

Tekken 6's multiplayer is to gaming fun what cereal is to Ianing fun.

One-Shot (04/11/09)

It's my birthday and I'm taking it off. Kinda.

One-Shot (03/11/09)

How awesome would it have been, if the title of this article wasn't bait?

One-Shot (02/11/09)

Zooey Deschanel, your cute pixie crown has a new challenger: Alison Brie.

One-Shot (01/11/09)

Not to lower the tone of this upper-crust, caviar-friendly blog, but a world where Dannii Minogue has to "defend" any kind of nude shoot is a world that's lost its way.

One-Shot (31/10/09)

Maintaining a blog of essentially quick missives when you're a massive pessimist is contrary to posterity.

One-Shot (30/10/09)

Yes, this is another shameless self promotion. Just because.

One-Shot (29/10/09)

There is no reasonable explanation for Amazon to recommend Javari shoes and handbags to me in an e-mail. None at all.

One-Shot (28/10/09)

NHL 10, based on the demo, is highly playable. It's slick, rich, and as gorgeous as you'd expect from the EA Sports stable. However, the control system is... less than accessible. Instead of an obvious, traditional, and highly practical "x is pass, o is tackle, square is shoot" type deal, the player is treated - no, subjected - to an interface that makes Resident Evil 5's online shenanigans look well designed. It's like someone's been fiddling around with the option screen, assigning commands to obtuse buttons. The potential ease of rectification, of course, is the most grating thing. File under: debacle.

One-Shot (27/10/09)

In the wake of the Pixies' "Into The White", any band to use the word "quasar" in their lyrics (even the mighty Pavement on "Stereo") will sound like try-hards.

One-Shot (26/10/09)

The wait is almost over; Sainthood, Tegan and Sara's new album, is almost upon us. During a discussion of this yesterday, I mentioned that I'm deliberately not listening to the album tracks available on the group's MySpace page (and presumably a myriad of other, suspect sources) in favour of holding off 'til release day. In doing so, I sensed that I was revealing myself to be amongst the smallest of small minorities - a young person with patience, scruples and taste. One day on, the lack of response to that assertion seems to confirm this.

Even though I highly suspect this post - like all others - will be met with an equally non-existent response, I'll throw this out there (hey, maybe someone will think about it or something?) Do you do the same thing, if/when faced with the wait for a sought-after album, film, book, whatever or do you indulge yourself, legally or otherwise? This isn't designed to be a guilt-trip. I'd genuinely like to know.

Sainthood is released tomorrow.

One-Shot (25/10/09)

Listening to Pavement reminds me of the time when MTV2 was M2 and still required viewing.

One-Shot (24/10/09)

Two things about this article (from, surprise surprise, CHUD) are great:

1.) The picture that inspired it. Seriously, Liam Neeson looks class.
2.) After years of quoting from only the most niche of Simpsons fans, "embiggen" may have finally entered the modern lexicon.

One-Shot (23/10/09)

Sunday's clash between Liverpool and Manchester United is the stuff Sky Sports employees dream of*, especially considering the former's less than stellar form and the latter's still-open wounds from their last league clash. However, none of this changes the fact that the Premiership is still far from being even close to decided. It's October. October. You can throw all the stats you like at me, cynics, but it won't change a thing; neither United nor Liverpool are to be written off at this stage, regardless of how many defeats they may have incurred.

* as you can see from any number of links on Football 365's homepage, including this one.

One-Shot (22/10/09)

This is gonna be huge.

One-Shot (21/10/09)

I intended to make this One-Shot a general AFI-related musing, a memoir of the good times and tunes they've given me over the years, and a chance to vocalize the curious sensations their current wardrobe gives me. However, all of that changed when I saw the featured playlist near the bottom of this page. "Darling, I Want to Destro" - ? Perhaps, my reservations were unfounded after all? Goodbye, oh-so-somber veneer; hello, new G.I. Joe-related masterworks!

One-Shot (20/10/09)

After almost a year of this blog, it just occurred to me how odd - and wrong - it is that our sub-banner reads "mind dumps for the masses" (my emphasis.) As much as I love it, that may need to be rejigged.

One-Shot (19/10/09)

A man walks up to his place of employment. He finds the shutters almost closed, yet he needs to get inside. A strange man is standing near the doors on the other side. Fortunately, a familiar colleague is standing next to him. The man outside motions to the strange man to get his colleague's attention. The strange man grimaces, shrugs off the man's polite, clear request with a "can't help ya, mate" glance, before resuming his stupor.

The man outside reiterates his request, this time more forcefully. To the delight of the excluded man and, indeed, common sense, his colleague turns, and sees him. He is, finally, granted entrance. Shortly thereafter, the rude man gives the inconvenienced man and all of his colleagues a lecture on appropriate behaviour when dealing with dodgy types. In particular, the rude man emphasizes the benefits of a polite, friendly demeanour.

Humanity weeps.

One-Shot (18/10/09)

Remember this? One thing that leaps out at me - and not for the first time - is the inexplicable allure of copying and pasting news for a facsimile site of your own, devoid of any context or original opinion. That and the amount of people doing it seemingly.

One-Shot (17/10/09)

New band extol "80's feel" of their latest album. Wow.

One-Shot (16/10/09)

Unlike so many people, I have a conscience. As such, I give two squirts about things such as morality and general decency. This is true of real-life and online. To that end, I thought I'd point out something regarding the latter that's caught my attention. It's not often I link to something found on Blogger*, given that it's filled with mostly irrelevant, twee gubbins**. This, however, appears to be an exception. I've not listened to the podcast yet and I may comment on it in a later One-Shot. In the mean-time, why not give it a listen? The better to leave a comment and get in the game we like to call Low Standards for High Fives. Y'know, 'cos there's more to the Internet than just unfunny and appalling spelling and grammar.

* Or anything not found on CHUD.com.
** Sorry, Blogger. I'm attacking the subjects, not the system.

One-Shot (15/10/09)

If you've been somehow eavesdropping on a recent brace of conversations I've had with Christophe, you'll understand this. If you've not, you should still be able to appreciate the beauty on show.

One-Shot (14/10/09)

As has been mentioned before, Low Standards is an accommodating team. We don't care what you do in your spare time (as long as it's not bomb-building or some such guff, obviously.) We like to think of ourselves as an enlightened group. However, I personally have a massive problem with a term like "trisexual." I'm not saying I have a problem with the behaviour and/or lifestyle choices associated with it - or anyone who does like it and choose to live their life that way. I'm saying I have a massive problem the word itself. That word needs to die. Permanently.

One-Shot (13/10/09)

So much excitement.

One-Shot (12/10/09)

As we say 'round here, hauld onnn! To refer to England's current football squad as a "Golden Generation" is an insult to the term. The nucleus of France's 98 World Cup and 00 European Championship winning sides? Yes. England's "win a match, we're formidable"/"lose a match, we're worried" current crop? Nah, mate. Anyone asking what a Northern Irishman knows about golden generations in a less than friendly tone can feel free to swivel; you don't need to taste the bullet to know it ain't tasty.

One-Shot (11/10/09)

I'm nothing if not consistent with the shilling.

One-Shot (10/10/09)

I've not looked forward to a new album this much in a long time.

One-Shot (09/10/09)

Because self-promotion is best when it's shameless!

One-Shot (08/10/09)

Interesting. Firstly, I can't see it happening. This comes up every so often and leads to nothing but reiterations of the same auld cynicism. Secondly, Celtic Chief Executive Peter Lawwell seems to consider his club less a football team than a piece of art. He also couldn't resist making a jibe at Rangers' expense, the implication being that Celtic have greater appeal and "brand recognition" than the 'Gers on a global scale. Perhaps, Mr. Lawwell should note which Old Firm side are:

a.) Champions of Scotland.
b.) In the Champions League.

One-Shot (07/10/09)

Because I put Here down too much.

One-Shot (06/10/09)

FIFA 10 plays almost identically to FIFA 09. Naysayers, hold your naying. While it's hardly strange for two football games (especially, two successive titles in the same series) to be similar, the Pro Evolution Soccer titles of the early 00's on the PlayStation 2 were markedly different from their predecessors, building on the already impressive game template, tweaking old problems, and adding great new features. What any good game sequel should do, essentially. In this case, I just don't see that.

One-Shot (05/10/09)

Get well soon, Frankie Boyle. How someone hasn't gave you your own sitcom is beyond me. Incidentally, even the presence of Dara O'Briain can't make me tune into Mock The Week now.

One-Shot (04/10/09)

I am part of a small band of independent thinkers on this planet who:

a.) Do not watch The X-Factor.
b.) Prefer Dannii Minogue to Cheryl Cole.

One-Shot (03/10/09)

Back-Talk - Episode Eighteen: Primed For Insertion. Enjoy.

One-Shot (02/10/09)

Sam Worthington just does nothing for me. No harm to the guy, but he's not got any real presence or "oomph" factor. Like a real-life Vincent Chase.

One-Shot (01/10/09)

Unlikely movie sequel I want to see: The Wind That Shakes The Barley 2: Gale Force.

One-Shot (30/09/09)

Not fun: having your aft hull touched by a child.

One-Shot (29/09/09)

I watched this today.

Afterward, I started thinking.

April 15,
Still immortal. Found new furniture place. Devoured innocents. Pretty routine.

Conclusion?

Debacle.

One-Shot (28/09/09)

So good.

One-Shot (27/09/09)

When a recent spate of ugly incidents threatens to pull football back into disrepair, it's hard to get excited about this. Incidentally, Stephen Graham (This Is England) is very quickly becoming boring.

One-Shot (26/09/09)

United go top, as Chelsea sink to Wigan? Quality.

One-Shot (25/09/09)

Good.

One-Shot (24/09/09)

The bit in The Wedding Singer where Christine Taylor tells Adam Sandler that, if he comes upstairs, he's "gonna get laid" springs to mind.

Also, we made it to 300 posts, yesterday. Weird.

One-Shot (23/09/09)

What's a blog for, if not to pimp out one's own wares? That said, Back-Talk - our podcast - has just returned after a lengthy hiatus. It's co-hosted by Chris, the elusive other half of this blog, and myself. Episodes cover a variety of topics and sometimes even focus on the subject at hand. They are... ample in proportion. The four new installments can be found alongside all of their predecessors (as well as some articles) at lsfhf.co.uk.

N.B. To be fair, there's more to this post than just shilling. With the podcast side-bar defunct, it actually makes a lot of sense that I clarified things. That's my line and I'm sticking to it.

# 28 - Review: (500) Days of Summer

Wow. I've been meaning to get around to reviewing some more of the films I saw this summer. I knew it'd been a while since I'd done any articles proper, but I didn't think the last time was in July! That's pretty bad. Well, the make-up begins right here.

--

Hindsight, as boring conversationalists often say, is a wonderful thing. Until now, they were right. (500) Days of Summer is an enjoyable distraction while it's on and just another movie when it's over. Nothing more, nothing less. It's the cinematic equivalent of the girl - or boy, we at Low Standards are a progressive people - you fancy passing by. The girl or boy you used to fancy a lot but have kinda gone off a bit, to precise.

If the trailer for Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist boiled your kettle, you've probably already caught Summer. Tom (G.I. Joe's Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a young greeting card writer and wannabe architect meets the slight and subtle Summer* (Zooey Deschanel) at work and promptly falls for her. She's not into the whole love thing, though, much to Tom's chagrin. However, this doesn't stop her stringing him along for ages and dispelling potential irritation with flashes of her anime eyes.

The film, like its eponymous lady, does things her own way. The peaks and troughs of Tom and Summer's unclassified pairing are presented in a less than linear fashion. This out-of-sync approach proves to be mostly successful, as it still enables a somewhat conventional narrative flow and all of the beats that entails, while also granting it a freshness above, say, Music and Lyrics. When the laughs and/or pathos aren't/isn't coming, though, it starts to feel rather brittle.

Cynics will find the film an easy target. First and foremost, it's a "quirky" rom-com. How do we know this? Well, it's got a Belle and Sebastian reference, Zooey Deschanel, and twee graphics that look like album covers for the kind of bands on its soundtrack throughout. That said, where cynics will hear only contrivance and attempted earnestness when Tom swoons at Summer's shared Smiths fandom, most moviegoers will be too busy identifying or wishing they were identifying to care.

The film's greatest strength, aside from the impressive Gordon-Levitt, is in its presentation of "little moments." Witness Tom and Summer "playing house" in the IKEA showroom. While the best scene in the film, even this suffers from an underdeveloped script. Writers Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber leave their principals hanging, when it's time to deliver a killer line or wet-yourself laughing moment. There are flourishes. The post-coital cabaret (complete with killer Han Solo cameo) and flashbacks, even with the odd narrator, in particular, are handled beautifully by director Marc Webb, but we're too often left knowing how we should be feeling or when we should be laughing rather than actually getting on with either.

Watch it: if you, like, totally listen to bands that haven't even formed yet.
Don't watch it: if romantic comedies with "wise for their years" child characters make you want to slay all before you.
Ranking: 6/10 (clumsy but well meaning Ensign.)

* Ooh, Joyceian!

--

Ian Pratt hopes you noticed how he reviewed (500) Days of Summer without making a (rubbish) title joke.

One-Shot (22/09/09)

Pink Ladies are great.

One-Shot (21/09/09)

Maybe I was wrong to lament my increasingly... succinct output here? Is it catching on?

One-Shot (20/09/09)

You knew (or should've known) it was coming!

Some thoughts:

Fletcher(aldo) was imperious and fully deserving of his Man of the Match award. Giggs was joyous. Despite what the Bitter Blue Facebook contingent protest, we battered them for most of that second half (and let's not forget the great start.) With the exception of Bellamy's wonder-strike, we gifted them their goals - that said, he should've been closed down. Oh, and Ireland was virtually anonymous. An instant classic.

One-Shot (19/09/09)

Perhaps, time will say otherwise, but, right now, This Is England feels a lot like English History X.

One-Shot (18/09/09)

Awesome.

One-Shot (17/09/09)

Are you ready to rock? That's as well, 'cos these guys do.

One-Shot (16/09/09)

No harm to her, but pop music's in bad shape if Cheryl Cole going solo is cause for excitement.

One-Shot (15/09/09)

For all its foibles, I still wish we had more (legal) access to American Show shows. As long as that delightful Conan O'Brien is involved, at any rate.

One-Shot (14/09/09)

Yeah, this makes sense, but that's part of the problem. I'd rather have had Nic Cage, to be honest. If your first thought was anything other than "me, too", Face/Off. Just Face/Off.

One-Shot (13/09/09)

I should think so!

One-Shot (12/09/09)

In "The Great One", Episode 76 of SModcast, the popular podcast from Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier, Smith assures the listener that no knowledge or appreciation of hockey is necessary to enjoy Wayne Gretzky (he's right.) Well, I'm telling you now that you don't need to like Smith or his films to enjoy this.

One-Shot (11/09/09)

I'm really getting tired of this chick. Well, that was my first thought. It's actually pretty cool to have a slightly left of centre female pop star, though, even if she's pretty tame compared to some who've come before.

One-Shot (10/09/09)

It'd be an act of inexplicable cowardice to ignore last night's match, after going on so much about other games. Northern Ireland were beaten 0-2 by Slovakia, a result that effectively ends our chances of qualifying for next year's World Cup in South Africa. Yeah, I'm gutted, but unlike some of my fellow countrymen, I don't believe in going down with a whimper.

One-Shot (09/09/09)

1. "It's A Sad, Day When Anyone Sides With Kenyon."
2. "Now's The Time For Ruthless, England."
   

Either Football 365 have developed a peculiar house style, or they have some serious punctuation issues.

One-Shot (08/09/09)

George A. Romero must love him some Irish; this time - Survival of the Dead - it's the O'Flynns and the Muldoons, complete with the broadest of broad comedy performances, based on this clip.

One-Shot (07/09/09)

Every director is visionary. They might not have good visions for their films, but, by their very nature, they are visionary, in as much as they bring their ideas (or "vision") to bear on a film. Ergo, preceding your largely anonymous director's name with this word is not only audacious and laughable, but also wholly irrelevant. If you helped market the movie 9 and don't feel addressed right now, you should.*

* If you remember me making a similar complaint about Watchmen's marketing, congratulations, you are the readerly equivalent of a Final Girl.

One-Shot (06/09/09)

I can't stop thinking about last night's match. Consequently, I'm dedicating another day's post to it. Now that you've all closed the window, I'll finish my ramble.

There's a cracking gallery of snaps from yesterday's home nations internationals on Football 365, the site I shill out second most around here (how can I not endorse a site than actually refers to Northern Ireland as "Norn' Iron'?") Naturally, those from our game away to Poland are of foremost interest to me. Two act as a kind of Kyle Lafferty picture book. Behold!

First, we see Kyle (also of Rangers) slotting the ball through the legs of Polish keeper Artur Boruc (also of Celtic) to put the Ulstermen 1-0 up. It's a fantastic finish, one made all the more impressive given the unstable shinguard strapped to Kyle's right leg.

Then, we see young Kyle wheeling away for his well deserved celebration. There's nothing to "notice" about this picture. I just wanted to share the glorious image with you. Cheers.

One-Shot (05/09/09)

Well done, lads.

One-Shot (04/09/09)

Trebor Extra Strong Peppermint Gum is the nuts.

One-Shot (03/09/09)

Wow. I expect it to be softened by appeal... still, wow.

One-Shot (02/09/09)

Biscotti are hugely overrated. They have none of the great taste of most McVities-style biscuits and cost substantially more, even when bought solo. That sum does itself.

One-Shot (01/09/09)

Awesome.

One-Shot (31/08/09)

Rambo 5 is happening; CHUD.com decrees it so. After Rambo's finale, some corners may feel that a follow-up isn't strictly "necessary." To those corners, I say "as long as there are bad people, Rambo is necessary."

One-Shot (30/08/09)

Weak.

One-Shot (29/08/09)

That, as you can see from the photo, was a penalty.

One-Shot (28/08/09)

The latest issue of Q features Matt Bellamy, lead singer and guitarist of the band Muse. There is also a quote from Bellamy: "I bought 50 tins of beans & an axe...." The heading beneath it reads "Matt Bellamy is out of control." This cover epitomizes everything I hate about music magazines.

One-Shot (27/08/09)

Same old story. What will it take for video replays to be incorporated into decision-making?

One-Shot (26/08/09)

Funny.

One-Shot (25/08/09)

As long as it's great, I'm flexible.

One-Shot (24/08/09)

If Grand Theft Auto IV follows Resident Evil, Hitman, et al to the big screen, only one man should play Niko Bellic: Liverpool new-boy Sotirios Kyrgiakos.

One-Shot (23/08/09)

Harold and Kumar Get The Munchies is actually quite amusing, at times.

One-Shot (22/08/09)

Lady nothing, by the sound of it.

One-Shot (21/08/09)

It's not every day you get published on your favourite site.

One-Shot (20/08/09)

Avatar looks great. Inevitable C.G.I. comment: I'm not sure the Na'vi look "photo realistic", nor am I sure that I care if they do or not.

One-Shot (19/08/09)

It's amazing how much difference a booklet makes to a DVD.

One-Shot (18/08/09)

When Bill Murray does his thing, he's Bill Murray. When Seth Rogen does his thing, he's one-note. Some people.

One-Shot (17/08/09)

I enjoy Blade as much as the next action fan, but really, Q.T.?

One-Shot (16/08/09)

Sorry I'm late. Amongst other things, I've been checking out interpretations of Sex Bob-Omb songs. This is about as good as it gets. It's a decent effort, and certainly nails the lo-fi quality, but it just isn't fast enough for my liking. That may have been the point - it may be just this individual's take on the song, not an attempt to "adapt it" exactly. However, the song works so well in the comic because it gives the reader the same short blast Crash and the Boys give the characters. To achieve that, you need 1 or 2 minutes, not 4+. Incidentally, if none of this meant anything to you, broaden your funnybook palette.

One-Shot (15/08/09)

The satiety powers of seemingly modest cod bites shouldn't be underestimated.

One-Shot (14/08/09)

Ryan Reynolds is a funny, charming man, apparently.

One-Shot (13/08/09)

The Arctic Monkeys' debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, features some of the most memorable and eminently re-playable bass-lines of the decade.

One-Shot (12/08/09)

Can the humble zombie be saved from Danny Dyer doom and dragged back to relevance? Yes. How? Behold.

One-Shot (11/08/09)

Captain America doesn't need to change his outfit, name, or anything else to succeed theatrically. He need only be himself.

One-Shot (10/08/09)

Double standard of the day? You decide.

One-Shot (09/08/09)

As part of a John Hughes tribute screening (R.I.P.), I was reminded of the excellence of Charlie Sheen's hair in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

One-Shot (08/08/09)

Is it pointless to apologize for late posting in a blog read by little to no-one? No. Because manners never go out of style. I'm sorry I'm late. I forgot about my poorly maintained and even poorer read blog (are the two connected?) again.

Julia Stiles is not as boring as she appears to be. Exhibit A: O.

One-Shot (07/08/09)

Christina Hendricks is the current cinephile's redhead pin-up of choice. And rightly so.

One-Shot (06/08/09)

Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection deserved better.

One-Shot (05/08/09)

SModcast is back. It's proving worth the wait.

One-Shot (04/08/09)

According to September's Empire - against considerable odds - Mega Shark VS. Giant Octopus is released theatrically this Friday. This is the part where you start hoping your local multiplex has the goods.

One-Shot (03/08/09)

William Shatner is Canadian. There you go now.

One-Shot (02/08/09)

Good gum is hard to find. Since Trident's Vanilla and Mint Splash inexplicably vanished, I've been questing for a replacement (anyone to sample the departed's icy wonder will refute any "hyperbole" claims.) It's proved unreasonably tough. Gum should be a delight, not mediocrity you masticate. However, a contender has finally emerged: Electro. This unassuming brand's Peppermint and "tingling" Spearmint are refreshingly potent and memorable flavour sticks that are also long-lasting thanks to individual wrapping - bonus. Don't let the bland packaging fool you; they're wholly deserving of your gums.

One-Shot (01/08/09)

First it was June... then it was July. Now, it's "August 2009?" Not amused. I know today's the first of August, but still. Not amused.

One-Shot (31/07/09)

Ridley Scott returning to the Alien franchise? Rather that than Monopoly.

One-Shot (30/07/09)

Twitter, Facebook status updates, and daily blog missive series' such as this are enemies of posterity. At least, that's how it feels "in the moment." That doesn't excuse my lack of enthusiasm of late, but it does explain it.

One-Shot (29/07/09)

Get me a towel.

One-Shot (28/07/09)

Waiting for a new SModcast isn't sweet, but it does involve sorrow.

One-Shot (27/07/09)

Sorry I'm late. The lack of worth in this series lately is the greatest argument for me spurning Twitter.

One-Shot (26/07/09)

When I started really mucking around with instruments, nobody ever emphasized the satisfaction gained from working out a beloved song - or part of a beloved song - by ear. I'm glad.

One-Shot (25/07/09)

What's your favourite album track segway? I don't know about you but the rambunctious "Merchandise" giving way to "Blueprint" on Fugazi's 1990 release Repeater + 3 Songs would certainly be up there for me. It'd be easy for a band to miscalculate following such a noisy little track with something slower, more grandiose. It could have been too jarring sonically, a reminder that the "loud-quiet" dynamic popularized around the time is best deployed within a single song. It could have looked like a calculated shot at profundity. Or they could just have liked that arrangement. Whatever it was, it works.

One-Shot (24/07/09)

Resisting the urge to purchase Day of the Dead (2008) is a struggle best handled on a day-to-day basis. Having a source as trusted as this blog's own Christophe* to dissuade you is splendid medicine.

* Please, post more. You're missed online.

One-Shot (23/07/09)

After watching "The Cannes Kids", the final episode of Entourage's fourth season, two things struck me:

1. Season 2 remains this show's highlight.
   
2. Kanye West should have his own Saturday morning cartoon wherein he helps celebrity friends in need the only way he knows how: destroying problems with his lavish private jet.

One-Shot (22/07/09)

Excitement growing.

One-Shot (21/07/09)

What better way to watch IT than on a misty, rain-swept Tuesday morning.

One-Shot (20/07

The Doctor likes Elvis Costello, apparently.

One-Shot (19/07/09)

This is foolish and disappointing, but if I thought I had any shot, I'd still throw in for Fry.

One-Shot (18/07/09)

Sorry about the delay. If you don't already know how easily a quick blast on Grand Theft Auto IV can turn into a marathon, you really ought to.

One-Shot (17/07/09)

I'm not really a Rock Band/Guitar Hero guy, but this is inspired. Shame it's U.S. only.

One-Shot (16/07/09)

The new Manchester United home kit looks much better up close, but there's still way too much black.

One-Shot (15/07/09)

I'll give you 50 notes.
-The price is non-negotiable, sir.
OK, 60.
-Security!

One-Shot (14/07/09)

Disturbing moment of the day: the video for Jimmy Eat World's "Sweetness", a musical cornerstone of my adolescence, was on MTV2 Vintage Anthems tonight. Vintage Anthems.

One-Shot (13/07/09)

Done some Scott Pilgrim vs. The World production catch-up today. There's a lot out there to be excited about; Alison Pill as Kim Pine numbers chief amongst them.

# 27 Review - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Two years ago, I wrote a summer movie retrospective ("Autopsy") for the first issue of Low Standards for High Fives' Grandiloquent Vagaries & Other Miscellany. The print magazine, not the blog. The blog came after the magazine (bone up on your Grandiloquent history here.) The centerpiece of that feature was a review of Michael Bay's Transformers. I loved the toys and accompanying animated works, as a kid, so I was ideally placed to enjoy that movie. Even without this prior fondness, I can only imagine the movie's bubblegum charm would have won me over.

Two years later, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen arrives. It promises more action, more robots, more Megan Fox in various states of undress... more of everything that made the first such good, harmless fun. Returning director Michael Bay kept his word, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is awful all the same. Why? Because more and better aren't synonyms (I checked.) It's unwieldy, obnoxious, and easily my worst of the year, irrespective of expectation.

Last time around, naysayers bemoaned the human presence. This time would have been better spent, for them, watching irrelevant robot carnage. "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots: The Movie" as Kevin Smith put it. I disagreed then and I disagree now. Transformers succeeded as much because of the fish out of water shenanigans caused by the robots' presence on Earth as it did the SFX. Revenge of the Fallen fails because it brings nothing to the table but chronic indecision and stupidity.

Rather than reign in (and improve) the shaky, broad humour of the original, Bay lets it off the leash. Rather than settle on a clear, perfunctory concept that facilitates maximum good times (like the original), we're given a boring re-tread that refuses to step aside and let the fun in. It's one thing to look past a flimsy MacGuffin or two - "the Allspark", "the Matrix of Leadership" - but the lazy arrogance on show here is unacceptable. At one point, John Turturro's ex-Government agent yells at Jetfire - an elderly, bearded, British robot with a cane - to deliver exposition faster. If handled right, this could have been a winning little meta-moment. Having him essentially say "give us this information faster so we can go back to running around and screaming" is not handling this right. Especially, when the movie think it's cute.

For many, the stunning mech throw-downs of Transformers were a saving grace. By an hour or so into Revenge of the Fallen's inexcusably bloated 2 and a half hour run-time, even those become bland. With the exception of Optimus Prime beating lumps out of various Decepticons in the woodland battle, there's little here to rival the action of the first. The new-fangled human/Autobot alliance is an inviting opportunity for variety as well as excess. Like so much of the film, though, this is largely squandered. The climactic showdown in Egypt is surprisingly small-scale and, worse, overly familiar. Even those who last watched the original theatrically will feel like they've seen it all before in its predecessor's Middle Eastern sequence.

Watch it: because you think Sam is a name you just don't hear screamed enough in movies anymore.
Don't watch it: if you write McSweeney's style microfiction.
Ranking: 3/10 (Disgraced Cadet.)

--

Ian Pratt refuses to let Transformers' sudden franchise debacle mar his excitement for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

One-Shot (12/07/09)

Friday's news that Ryan Reynolds is to star as the eponymous ring-wearer in Green Lantern pleased me then and it pleases me now. Considering the guy's power to endear despite middling material (everything from Van Wilder to Definitely, Maybe) it's about time he got the chance to break out of the generic rom-com mold.

One-Shot (11/07/09)

Some riffs just don't want to find their chorus.

One-Shot (10/07/09)

Sometimes, enjoyment suffers because of anticipation (The Wrestler.) Sometimes, it just makes it better (Marvel vs. Capcom 2.) Yes, I downloaded the free demo from the PlayStation Store the other day. After finally playing it yesterday in all of its manic, trans-warp glory, the choice between it and the admittedly graphically superior Street Fighter IV just got a whole lot simpler.

One-Shot (09/07/09)

I need to take my own hints about when to walk away from an argument.

One-Shot (08/07/09)

Yesterday's Michael Jackson memorial broadcast has divided opinion here. Opinions divided in Northern Ireland? I know. It never fails to amaze and infuriate me how some people Here can't get their head around the idea that something sad can be turned into anything other than just an awkward inevitability for the grief-stricken. It's like an Irish Wake never happened.

26: The Untouchables

If there's any doubt that this blog moonlights as an advertising outlet for CHUD.com then this post should do to that uncertainty what reality did to TV.

Noel Gallagher once sang "true perfection has to be imperfect." Whether you agree or not, there's no denying he's in the majority. One need only look at movie fans for evidence. Self-professed cinephiles are often associated with a paradoxical taste discrepancy. They praise classics new and old alike, (say, Once and The Graduate) before adding "I can't wait to ogle Sienna Miller's baps in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra!" Moreover, such fans will often count flawed genre properties amongst their favourite films ever, knowingly, legitimately defending them as above critical reproach.

The notion that a movie can be "perfect" despite a flaw or two isn't radical. It's, essentially, an extension (or variation) of the label "popcorn movie." Rather than being a term used to describe the type of film though, this breed of "perfect" cinema is "popcorn" in the sense that it's a source of entertainment first and foremost, an example of the end outweighing the sum of its parts. Pure movie, if you will. Drop into your local pub or coffee house and you might well hear something to the effect of "I know the tangent with Dennies Haysbert's getaway driver isn't essential but it's part of what makes Heat so perfect."

Why not liberate yourself from formulaic Channel 4 100 Greatest List territory by reading this list and getting in on the discussion with kindred spirits? See if you can spot the guy championing Office Space's chunky running time, while you're at it. Before you go... behold!

5 of Ian's "Perfect" Movies... with annotations!*
(In no particular order)

1. Annie Hall (1977.) Dir. Woody Allen. Club Med for neurotic zingers, insightful, touching, hilarious.
   
2. Re-Animator (1985.) Dir. Stuart Gordon. Four words: "cat dead; details later?!"
   
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986.) Dir. John Hughes. Most films are lucky to have one legendary performance. This has two: Jeffrey Jones and Alan Ruck. It's also the pick of "the Brat Pack" oeuvre.
   
4. Starship Troopers (1997.) Dir. Paul Verhoeven.** Devin really called it with this, in the original article. Still a benchmark for pulp sci-fi actioners.
   
5. Chasing Amy (1997.) Dir. Kevin Smith. The film his detractors say he peaked with. An endearing, supremely quotable charmer with what should have been a star-making turn from Jason Lee.
   

After reading this article, maybe you'll feel like sharing your own "perfect" movies here. Or maybe you'll want to bust my balls for not featuring older movies. Be my guest in the comments section below, movie Nazi!

* I'm trying not to repeat myself, so no Office Space or Heat.
** This wasn't an easy choice, as the mercurial Dutchman could easily warrant a list of his own.

--

Ian Pratt is looking forward to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. He's really more of a Rachel Nichols fan, though.

One-Shot (07/07/09)

Ethan Hawke needs to be busier.

One-Shot (06/07/09)

Weak. "From the mind of..." just pipped "from the visionary director of..." to the Most Audacious Trailer Boast of all-time.

One-Shot (05/07/09)

Andy Roddick deserves great things.

One-Shot (04/07/09)

The trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper is like a Lovecraftian onion: sprawling and grotesque on many levels.

Also, happy Independence Day, America!

One-Shot (03/07/09)

I'm two-for-two in the not getting classic rock ticket stakes; the two in question being Faith No More and the Pixies. I blame mutual lack of a Belfast date for this debacle, of course.

One-Shot (02/07/09)

It's been a good day. Chris has updated our new site to fantastic effect and The CHUD Show, a podcast dear to my heart as anyone reading this will probably know, is pushing its own envelope. I'm more excited to hear the results of their first foray into the "live" realm than I am to hear any album, imminent or otherwise. If that doesn't make you wanna check it, it's no skin off my nose because you clearly have no taste.

One-Shot (01/07/09)

H.P. Lovecraft's writing could've used a few less "thesaurus moments" and a lot less "inconceivables" and "unimaginables."

25 - Review: Star Trek

Since May, I've been committing the writerly equivalent of leaving my leg in Piranha-infested waters. Instead of writing reviews of movies shortly after viewing them, I've procrastinated. I've procrastinated so much, in fact, that my memories of these films are now fun-size. It's up to you to let me know if anything good comes of this belated attempt to kick-start my summer movie coverage by the usual means: not posting any comments beneath the article. Thanks.

N.B. Grandiloquent Factoids: Ian couldn't pass up the opportunity to review Star Trek as:

1. He likes Star Trek.
2. It allows him to employ his review system on the property that inspired it.
   

--

Whoever said you're either a Star Trek fan or a Star Wars fan couldn't count. Probably. The point is he/she was wrong. I know this because I enjoy both of the relevant Star franchises*. As a child, the latter held most sway with me. Then, the Prequel Trilogy gave the franchise a permanent black eye and I embraced Trek anew. For the purposes of a clear-headed review, this leaves me rather well placed; I enjoy the franchise, have seen much of it, yet I don't feel obliged to apologize for its (many) recent missteps.

The film's opening is shakier than a pole-axed Cloverfield. There's a busy but unremarkable space battle, the much-maligned "My name is James Tiberius Kirk" robot-cop police chase from the trailer, and a "Jeremy" video homage with L'il Spock. The solid ideas on show are clouded by awkward execution and an uncertain tone. History looks set to repeat itself.

Things start clicking, when Kirk (Chris Pine) gives Starfleet a shot. Director J.J. Abrams and screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman understand that another training-wheels origin story is among the last things many genre fans want right now. With this in mind, we are spared Starfleet Academy: The New Class. A very enjoyable Kobayashi Maru scene and some inter-species shenanigans aside, the crew's school days are wisely curtailed. As with Saavik and chums in The Wrath of Khan, it's more dramatic watching newbies learn on the job. And apparently drama is important in movies.

But peril is irrelevant if we don't care about the ship and her crew. Thanks to solid work across the bridge, we care plenty. Chris Pine nails Kirk, as at home kicking ass and breaking rules as he is nailing well-endowed Riseans. Karl Urban also excels as "Bones" McCoy, packing enough world-weary charm to rub shoulders with DeForest's Kelley and Robert Picardo's Doctor in the acerbic Trek doctor pantheon.

Zachary Quinto, though, has the greatest task of all; while Pine et al exist independently from their predecessors, the Heroes star must deliver alongside Leonard Nimoy, the only returning O.S. veteran. And boy does he deliver. Like his cast-mates, he does his own thing, while never losing sight of what made his character iconic in the first place. It's a move that pays off better than any of the movie's many accomplished SFX driven set-pieces.

I'll spend as long discussing the movie's time travel/alternate reality conceit as it deserves: it's convenient, transparent, and absolutely fine. You can't go off on flights of fancy without doing the donkey work first, in much the same as way you can't start colouring your "Jeffrey Combs is the Peter Sellers of Star Trek" mosaic without finishing the pencil outline.

For all its techno trappings, Abrams' Trek does the little things best. Things like pacing, atmosphere, and pairing Simon Pegg with a Ghoulies reject side-kick. It also boasts finality sorely lacking in more recent Trek; phaser blasts and photon torpedoes destroy things, and dead means dead. This is tremendous news for Joe Public and disillusioned Trek-fans alike. For Vulcans, Romulans, and a Crewman or two? Not so much. Had the movie married this approach to a subject meatier than Angry Aliens** want revenge, we could have had something really special on our hands.

Watch it: because you won't believe Star Trek is relevant again until you do.
Don't watch it: because you refuse to accept the notion that Winona Ryder can look old in any way and every time you see her under age make-up you'll think "that ain't right" as the fourth wall crumbles.
Ranking: 7/10 (Plucky Lieutenant.)

* Stargate fans, feel free to develop taste.
** Bana does phone-it-in somewhat, as Nero.

--

Ian Pratt likes to think of himself as the Bones of this blog, but he knows he's closer to Neelix.

One-Shot (30/06/09)

Against the odds, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is in danger of becoming another X-Men Origins: Wolverine (something I don't see theatrically.)

One-Shot (29/06/09)

The penciled in plans for my review of Ghostbusters: The Video Game have been scribbled out with "permy" marker. Why? If the nigh irresistible bait of a Sexiest List ain't bringing in the readers, a 30 word assessment along the lines of "it's light and fun, but the gameplay's very repetitive" sure ain't gonna do it.

One-Shot (28/06/09)

Getting barked at by some Loyalist Orange Order marcher while trying to cross the road after work is to a smile what feet are to creepy crawlies.

One-Shot (27/06/09)

Does political content on this blog make you:

1. unsubscribe?
2. interested?
3. very happy to not be from Northern Ireland?
4. very unhappy to be from Northern Ireland?

(Choose more than one, if necessary.)

24: Here

Today, the U.V.F. (Ulster Volunteer Force) and Red Hand Commandos (different name for the same thing) are said to have totally decommissioned their arms. The U.D.A. (see Red Hand Commandos) also claim to have begun following suit. You can read all about it here.

I never thought I'd see the day, but the same went for the I.R.A.'s 2005 disarmament. Why the guarded tone, then? It's "an historic day.... further testimony to the transformation in Northern Ireland", according to Secretary of State Shaun Woodward [featured BBC article.] Well, as we witnessed in March, paramilitaries Here are not unlike your average Hollywood ghouls; beheading one doesn't mean two won't pop back up in its place.

It's more than that, though. Just yesterday I watched a newly unfurled U.V.F. flag rippling in the breeze, as I walked through neighbouring streets. It, of course, wasn't alone. Moments later I passed a man wearing a U.V.F. shirt. Not a D.I.Y., Primark plain white tee later deformed by a home-made print, a genuine "I'm in the U.V.F" shirt. That this is probably that man's "job" and "uniform" (outside of 501's, a black bomber jacket, and balaclava, of course) appalls me on a level beyond concision.

Watching that clown walk around with impunity in the middle of a sunny Friday afternoon was, at once, infuriating and enlightening; it's our problem in microcosm. Too many people still don't see the abhorrence of their ways. His demeanour was not that of a man finally being dragged into civility along with his cohorts, nor was it a man afraid for his future; rather, it was the same nonchalance exhibited by the sectarian mooncats I went to high school with, the guys who drew Loyalist murals during classes, hummed and drummed Loyalist tunes on the tables with their pens, and used used the terms "Fenian" and "taig" in much the same breath as Nazi - a swagger (or saunter, as we say Here) that said "the more things change...."

Flying your country's flag, or whatever flag you wish, from a pole on the front of your house and flying terrorist - again, terrorist - flags (plural) on streetlights around your area are not the same thing.

I'm not ignorant enough to accuse the police of being ineffectual, but, in these matters, question marks arise as to their conviction. Any such flag spotted or reported to an officer should be removed instantly. The same must also go for murals, no matter which acronym they champion. If we are, indeed, progressing, then there can be no alternative, least of all the shameful "that's just the way it is" attitude so prevalent in society to this day.

I hate the fact that I thought better of reporting this offensive behaviour for fear of the inaction it would likely meet. I hate the fact that, after so long, these issues still annoy me this deeply. But most of all I hate the fact that the good people of Northern Ireland seem consigned to pessimism as long as it's "Us VS. Them" Here.

--

Ian Pratt finds "the bright side" of life increasingly hard to look upon.

One-Shot (26/06/09)

Attention Socialist Party N.I. pamphleteers, writers, and organizers: proof reading is advisable.

One-Shot (25/06/09)

R.I.P. Michael Jackson.

One-Shot (24/06/09)

Is it good or bad that I'm already thinking about the next "list" before finishing (or even starting to post) the first? Is it neither good nor bad? Sad? Is it sadder that I'm 99.975% sure none of these questions will ever be answered? Ah, the blogosphere... as ethereal as teenage love.

One-Shot (23/06/09)

Rowntree's Randoms are the nuts.

One-Shot (22/06/09)

I'd rather not remind everyone how ugly my homeland can be, but sometimes it's necessary. Now, it's necessary. In case you couldn't be bothered reading the article linked above (it's OK, neither did I), Esther Rantzen said Northern Irish people are addicted to hatred. She attempted to back-pedal on said radio show today, softening the edges of her original statement. Rantzen's remarks were met with mostly aggro comebacks to the effect of "we're not that bad!" A small portion of callers, however, backed her up. Much as it pains me, I know where they're coming from. Now, if you thought I was copping out just then by not saying "I would, too!", here's why. It's pure falsehoods (I mean, hello? Have you forgotten whose blog you're reading?) No, we're not addicted to hate; we're conditioned to hate. Our status quo lives or dies on whether we accept this grotesque education or show it the business end of our collective Chuck Taylor's. Anyone to listen to Episode Three of Back-Talk will know my hard-line pessimism towards cross-community healing here, but to suggest a people so behassled by hatred actually enjoy it is misguided and more than a little ignorant.

One-Shot (21/06/09)

Gratuitous Allison Weiss post homage! Top 5 songs of the last fortnight:

1. "From Out of Nowhere" - Faith No More.
2. "Tilted" - Sugar.
   
3. "Digging the Grave" - Faith No More.
4. "Come Around" - Sugar.
5. "Feeling Better" - Sugar.

Yeah, I like Bob Mould.

One-Shot (20/06/09)

The Game upstairs in Belfast's Castle Court would win my personal, less FHM version of High Street Honeys (Cashier Cuties?) Oh, and if it ever becomes manageable, I still fully intend to unleash the Sexiest List on an unsuspecting - read: largely oblivious - populace. This populace... the one we're a part of. That seemed like as good a time as any to bring that up. Also, Episode Eight(: "Whedony") of Back-Talk, this blog's weekly podcast, has arrived. You'll be totally unsurprised to find lots of Buffy and Buffy-related discussion therein.

One-Shot (19/06/09)

WE - ARE - BACK!*

Did you miss me? Well, I'm back anyway. Yes, greetings, friends! I've returned. To mark this non-historic occasion, here's another "link" One-Shot sure to be read by no more than 2 people. What an age we live in!

In a recent Facebook note, I named Nick Nunziata, creator and linchpin of CHUD.com, as one of my favourite writers. This shows why. In an everyday news item - the kind so often churned out with an obvious lack of enthusiasm and care - he simultaneously excels and shames many of his contemporaries. If I've not got you to bookmark CHUD by now, I never will. Does that mean I'll stop trying? Sure doesn't.

It's good to be back.

* CHUD.com readers, get ready to appreciate some first-rate foreshadowing!

One-Shot (05/06/09)

If you thought yesterday's One-Shot (or any of the numerous succinct recent installments) was (were) short shrift, check this out: I might not be here for a while; by extension, this blog may not be here for a while. Now that you've had time to recover, let me assure you that I've not fallen out with you. No. That's not it. Just don't be surprised if there's a lapse. Why so cryptic? Just because, that's why. Take it easy.

One-Shot (04/06/09)

I voted today; you should, too!

One-Shot (03/06/09)

G Major is the most satisfying chord to strum. Be it in power, barre, or any of its classic open voiced forms, no note formation more consistently or thoroughly kicks. Just ask acoustic singer-songwriters! Disagree? Well you're wrong, but feel free to weigh in below. That's right... this is a vacuum. Oh, well!

One-Shot (02/06/09)

"A verbal agreement is only as good as the paper it's printed on." You said it, Kirk. That's the Gilmore Girls comic relief, not the Captain.

One-Shot (01/06/09)

Will Paul Reubens ever top-line a movie again? I'm not asking to be obtuse; I want to know.

One-Shot (31/05/09)

It'd melt ye so it would!

On account of it'd melt ye - I mean, the unusually humid weather - the preceding statement may well be overheard across Belfast this sunniest of Sundays. That's surely not the only strange saying within earshot today, though. We're not used to the heat here, you see...

(pause for gasp)

... so, in the unlikely event that we get any heat, things get a little... off*. Witness Thursday night's football (yes, the one where ball met Ianface) where the mist was red and plentiful. Where else in the world would a few days of sunshine and, in the grand scheme, mild heat necessitate a "heat-wave?" Greetings friend(s) and welcome to today's One-Shot.

* If you thought I was about to say "in the unlikely event that we get any heat, things get a little... err, heated" you could write for Empire.**
** Sorry, Empire. I like you (haven't missed an issue in years) but your house style is more transparent than symbolism in undergraduate poetry.