Which feature do you miss most?

Thursday 30 April 2009

One-Shot (30/04/09)

Pretty simple one today, folk/s. There is a new CHUD Show. You should listen to it. It's available here and via iTunes. Where you can also find Back-Talk, this blog's very own podcast. Ahem. Enjoy!

Wednesday 29 April 2009

One-Shot (29/04/09)

From the guy who brought you such early morning, link-to-a-video posts as Eli Roth describing Bear Witness and Tegan and Sara in Belfast, comes NOFX gig aftertaste in the form of an interview with Fat Mike! Dominant impressions: Mike seems like a very approachable, cool guy; the main interviewer sucks. He's not alone. Watch a random NOFX interview and you'll likely find a group of good friends amusing themselves at the socially and professionally maladjusted. That these people get such jobs is woe itself.

Tuesday 28 April 2009

One-Shot (28/04/09)

"Time Stands Still" by Rush is the best Replacements song Paul Westerberg never wrote.

Monday 27 April 2009

One-Shot (27/04/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 10


To enrich yesterday's belated One-Shot, feast your eyes on "the Spring." Being there last night was a bag decidedly mixed. Watching groups of wide-eyed young friends laugh and dance, I thought of the idealistic teen who watched Biffy Clyro and Gomez on its partially obscured stage long ago (but not that long ago.) It was like being a Trill without the cool "spots."

One-Shot (26/04/09): NOFX Gig Mini-Review


NOFX (plus Pour Habit and the Flatliners.) Spring & Airbrake, Belfast. 26/05/09.

Sorry for the delay; life (more specifically, NOFX) got in the way. But a mere apology isn't all you get. Oh, no. You also get this present tense, bullet-pointed mini review. It's the least I could do.
  1. Waiting around for about an hour (alone) while scenesters in thrift-store naval hats and Turtles miniskirts. Apathy turns to irritation.
  2. The first support band begins playing. Sucking increases. The first lyric of their first song: "I fucked your girlfriend last week." Starting to regret ticket purchase, birth.
  3. Get talking to "Tommy", a metal head and possibly the only other solo flyer here. He's also 22 and we do the whole "don't you feel old at these things now?" thing while a plethora of 15 year old-looking girls parade to-and-fro. He offers me a joint. Respect dies.
  4. The second support band are less puerile and marginally better musically. Tommy proceeds to get thoroughly fucked, wander off "to the toilet" for indeterminate spells and return on the verge of collapse.
  5. I've never seen the Spring & Airbrake so bunged. People refuse to stand still, including the aforementioned kiddiewinks. Lots of Topman footsoldiers pretend not to have manners. I tell Tommy these kids know nothing of punk rock and its communal ethic. He concurs.
  6. An excited young Southerner starts talking to me and Tommy at the cash machine. Last night's Dublin show was outstanding, apparently. He also makes sure to mention his spot on the guest list and hour and a half long chat with his great pals in the forgettable support band. He's polite and harmless, though, so he gets a by ball.
  7. NOFX arrive. The place goes buck-daft. In a few short minutes, Fat Mike underlines their charm; "get ready for one of the most disappointing nights of your life." It's the most energetic gig opening without music I've ever seen. Come to think of it, it's the only gig I've ever seen where a band haven't rushed into a song more or less straight away.
  8. "The Brews" and "Stickin' In My Eye" go down well. So too does some predictable but fun Bushmills/Jameson Whiskey banter.
  9. Fat Mike asks the crowd if they like the Queen. They don't. He dedicates "Kick Her In The Cunt" to her. The resulting cheer is huge.
  10. Tommy arches forward. He's either really into his phone or about to fall on his face. A pink day glow guy bumps into him. Tommy doesn't react. The punk walks on. "I thought he was a pillar!" Quite.
  11. I keep catching glimpses of an old friend. Awkward.
  12. The show ends and I take off promptly. "Leave It Alone" and a few others would've been the ticket. Then again, so would being 17 for tonight.

Saturday 25 April 2009

One-Shot (25/04/09)

Infuriating double standard of the day: complaining about a routine, then griping when the slightest deviation threatens it.

Friday 24 April 2009

One-Shot (24/04/09)

Happy birthday, Empire, and congratulations on your excellent celebratory issue! Just 48 pages in and already there is love.

Thursday 23 April 2009

One-Shot (23/04/09)

Cheryl Cole will not feature on my 25 Sexiest List, let alone at number 1. No hard feelings, Cheryl; it's not that sort of roster.

Wednesday 22 April 2009

One-Shot (22/04/09)

The security in a certain Belfast hospital is, at first, convenient, but later troubling.

Tuesday 21 April 2009

One-Shot (21/04/09)

A combination of forgetfulness and misuse of Sky+ may have cost me the chance to see every Star Trek movie in quick succession before the new one arrives. Today's casualty: The Wrath of Khan. You have no idea how hard it was to resist the obvious joke just now. None at all.

Monday 20 April 2009

One-Shot (20/04/09)

Another ignorant bint befouled the Earth and my shift, today. If I spoke Internet as well as Ian, I'd say that she stared at me with the power of a thousand suns. The bint.

Sunday 19 April 2009

One-Shot (19/04/09)

The impending NOFX gig at the Spring & Airbrake has snuck up on me. So much so, in fact, that I was briefly concerned I'd missed it. Time was, this would have been inconceivable. Much like Wallace Shawn, though, I have learned that this word may not mean what I originally thought it did.

In anticipation of next Sunday's So-Cal pop-punk shenanigans (which, it must be said, I'm still a little blah about for matters wholly unrelated to the band), I heard this. It seems, Mike and chums have "dissed" Tegan and Sara. While I don't agree with the rather unflattering portrayal of the adorable Canadians (my favourite Sara, in particular), the song's catchy as. I just remembered why I forked out for a ticket.

Saturday 18 April 2009

22 - Review: I Love You, Man

On your way out of a movie, you run into a friend. Your friend asks "what did you see?" You say, I Love You, Man. "I Love You, Man?" your friend asks. Yes. I Love You, Man, you reply. Sensing your friend's obvious confusion, you mention that it's the new comedy starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. You explain that Paul Rudd was in The Shape of Things and counter your friend's increasingly blank stare by adding "and he was Mike in 'Friends', too." Intrigued by this unrelated show, your friend asks about the movie's plot. You say that Paul Rudd - Mike from 'Friends' - gets engaged and sets out to find his Best Man. Your friend's face flat-lines. "You see, Paul Rudd - Mike - has no male friends." Your attempt at humour is too late. You take this opportunity to delete your number from the catatonic's phone and slip off into forever.

There's no getting around it; I Love You, Man has an odd premise. It's the sort of conceit that rubs its ass in the face of Robert McKee and everything he stands for (kind of.) Rather than embrace the inherently lightweight nature of the story, the script (by director John Hamburg and Larry Levin) is caught in two minds. By turns, it eschews any sense of drama and goes out of its way to tick boxes. Why else would we see Rudd's Peter explaining that he's just never connected with his brother (the likable Andy "Hot Rod" Samberg) at a family dinner? That's why he doesn't just ask his brother do it, nit-pickers! It's not the only example of this and they're all more than a little jarring.

Right now, you might be wondering "who thinks about narrative structure during a comedy, anyway?" The answer, dear reader, is you. Why? I Love You, Man isn't great. Of all the recent movies either from the Apatow staple (which this isn't) or featuring Apatow alums (which this is), it's the lowest on laughs. And one of the broadest. So when you should be busy busting a gut, you'll be listening to teens marveling at knob and fart gags* and wondering how a supposedly breezy tale can feel so sluggish and directionless.

The dialogue feels either poorly ad-libbed or annoyingly archetypal. A little playfully OTT speech is great.** Good comedies thrive on it. Moreover, "people just don't talk like that" is one of the all-time most meaningless statements (it's a movie, bub.) But when the very bottom rung of rom-com humour is scraped the sound produced makes Mudvayne sound appealing.

If it weren't for the flick's impressive cast, it might have been doomed. Jon Favreau, in particular, acquits himself well as a world-class ganch. But it's frustrating to see Rudd and Segel, two of the finest, most in-form comedic actors around, treading water. They, occasionally, manage to elevate the film but even their combined might cannot make it a Superbad. At best, I Love You, Man is a marginally superior Wedding Daze.

Watch it: because Rush aren't in enough movies.
Don't watch it: if you teach screenwriting.
Ranking: 5/10 (Crewman.)

* There is, of course, nothing wrong with a good wang/"wind" joke. Remember my Watchmen review?
** We have it to thank for "getting a back-rub from an orgasm", lest we forget.

--

Ian Pratt loves lame jokes, man.

One-Shot (18/04/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 9


The key to business success abroad? Context.

Friday 17 April 2009

One-Shot (17/04/09)

For the first time in too long, there are multiple films in release that I wish to see. Hopefully, a review or two will appear soon. And in case you were in any doubt, I am, indeed, not telling you which movies I mean in a blatant and shameless attempt to get you to come back. Will it work? I won't know. Or will I? ...

No.

Thursday 16 April 2009

One-Shot (16/04/09)

As you may have noticed, Back-Talk, this blog's podcast is back. Not one but two new episodes were released to mark the occasion. It feels good. Great, in fact (if you've listened to either/both or plan to, please let us know if you feel the same; we need the feedback.)

But this good-natured shilling isn't the point of today's One-Shot. No. It's the latest in a long line of quasi-apologies/reminders that the Sexiest List is still coming. CHUD's recent Children of the Acorn list is a timely reminder that riding the wave of unending difficulty that constitutes making this list is a worthy struggle.

Wednesday 15 April 2009

One-Shot (15/04/09)

To use the Jedi parlance, I have a bad feeling about tonight's United match. When do you not Ian, you might ask? And you'd be entitled to; I do it all the time. However, in this case, it's especially frustrating. United are European Champions and, as such, should wield their considerable clout with Cloughian confidence. That they seem unlikely to do so disappoints on a profound level. Like that Brazilian Porto striker who uses his nickname based on a Lou Ferrigno "resemblance."

Also, yesterday's water debacle turned out to be a false alarm. What do you mean you don't care? It was news here for a whole day! What do you mean no-one cares about Tatooine? ...

Tuesday 14 April 2009

One-Shot (14/04/09)

There's something in the water!

Today, across Belfast and, indeed, much of counties Antrim and Down, this sentence can legitimately be uttered. Tap water can only be consumed when boiled; all teeth must be brushed with bottled water or not at all. This minor inconvenience only reaffirms my belief that DS9's Quark was bang-on when he said that humans have an Olympic ability to cease decency when stripped off creature comforts.

Yes, I am aware that Quark was just a character on a(n underrated) fictional television show. Does that mean he can't be right? Does Alan Shearer command my respect? (No.)

Monday 13 April 2009

One-Shot (13/04/09)

I (finally) finished season 2 of '30Rock', yesterday. Am I more surprised that it was very disappointing or that, after having to wait so long, getting to see it at all wasn't enough? The former. This show's descent into contrived kook is as unprecedented as it is unnecessary. Season 3, your work = cut out.

Sunday 12 April 2009

One-Shot (12/04/09)

The combination of sunshine, intrusive dance music, and me indoors with screen fatigue results in a nasty "this time last year" halls flashback. Shudder.

Friday 10 April 2009

One-Shot (10/04/09)

Seeing idiocy and inadequacies everywhere is a sign that you are:
  1. Becoming unreasonably cranky?
  2. Finally, awake?
  3. In need of laying?
The search for worth... goes on.

Thursday 9 April 2009

One-Shot (09/04/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 8


City Hall, complete with Belfast Eye. The side not commandeered by punk kids. Also, note the woman in the purple coat making this a hat-trick of compromised fourth walls.

Wednesday 8 April 2009

One-Shot (08/04/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 7


To fully enjoy, zoom in on the puzzled young man clearing wondering what purpose this picture aims to fulfill (Belfast does staring like Venice does filthy.)

Tuesday 7 April 2009

One-Shot (07/04/09)

After winding up a particularly unpleasant online FIFA encounter - during which my opponent can best be described as a cunnyfunt - I had the misfortune of catching a brief glimpse of 'Loose Women.' Shit. No no, shite. Scratch that, shoite. The topic I briefly suffered through - fast food.

First, one of those who should be old enough to know better mentioned an erroneous claim that a convenience chain's salad was recently proven to be unhealthier than its burgers. After being debunked by the hot blonde one (it was the salad cream, apparently), said "person" uttered the following:

"Why don't we just shut all the fast food places down and set up grocery stores like we used to 'ave in't old days."

Fuck me spacebound. Incompetence, like obesity, can be a choice.

Also, come on United.

Monday 6 April 2009

One-Shot (06/04/09)

Watched Five Minutes of Heaven yesterday. Toyed with writing a review then realized I could save time by saying Liam Neeson and James Nesbitt were good, it wasn't.

Sunday 5 April 2009

One-Shot (05/04/09)

-or- how United sent a message of intent to the Scousers.

Like the subtitle? Good. Me too.

Speaking of things I like:

injury time winners that put the Champions back on Top.

(For the uninitiated, Manchester United defeated Aston Villa 3-2 in a riveting clash at Old Trafford earlier.)

All rubbing it in aside, if you aren't into football, watch the highlights. It's a perfect game for neutrals and newbies as well as Shirts. Federicho Macheda hath arrived.

Saturday 4 April 2009

One-Shot (04/04/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 6


In a blatant refusal to let anyone forget about our recent brace of sporting superglory comes this picture. Things that happen if it's clicked on:
  1. Magnification.
  2. Immersion.
  3. Puzzled woman glaring.
In the words of Nick Nunziata, you are welcome.

Friday 3 April 2009

One-Shot (03/04/09)

Irritant: blogs that have blog in the title. (Sub-titles don't count.) Also, you could do worse than reading this.

Thursday 2 April 2009

One-Shot (02/04/09)

Being a big believer in letting things stand on their own steam, enjoy!

Wednesday 1 April 2009

One-Shot (01/04/09)

Get in, you wee dancer!

I can barely believe it. Before Saturday, I thought I had more chance of dating Emily Blunt than seeing Northern Ireland beat Poland and Slovenia. But here we are. We're still top of Group Three. A point clear. Our remaining fixtures are:

  1. Away to Poland - Sept. 5.
  2. At home to Slovakia - Sept. 9.
  3. Away to to the Czech Republic - Oct. 14.
That makes hard reading, and I'm sure that my ebullience will soon give way to Norn' Irish pessimism. But I'm too chipper to dwell on that. Right now, same as Saturday, it's all about the moment, baby. Well done again, lads.