Which feature do you miss most?

Sunday 31 May 2009

One-Shot (31/05/09)

It'd melt ye so it would!

On account of it'd melt ye - I mean, the unusually humid weather - the preceding statement may well be overheard across Belfast this sunniest of Sundays. That's surely not the only strange saying within earshot today, though. We're not used to the heat here, you see...

(pause for gasp)

... so, in the unlikely event that we get any heat, things get a little... off*. Witness Thursday night's football (yes, the one where ball met Ianface) where the mist was red and plentiful. Where else in the world would a few days of sunshine and, in the grand scheme, mild heat necessitate a "heat-wave?" Greetings friend(s) and welcome to today's One-Shot.

* If you thought I was about to say "in the unlikely event that we get any heat, things get a little... err, heated" you could write for Empire.**
** Sorry, Empire. I like you (haven't missed an issue in years) but your house style is more transparent than symbolism in undergraduate poetry.

One-Shot (30/05/09)

Rangers double their pleasure courtesy of the Nacho Nacho Man: nice.*

* Apologies, again, for the tardiness, but not for the football.

Friday 29 May 2009

One-Shot (29/05/09)

Meh.

One-Shot (28/05/09)

Sorry, I'm late. I got smacked in the face (with the ball) at football last night so if that sounds like a sufficient excuse then that's what I'll say, and, if not, where's your heart? Better late than never is the way to go, people.

Well, United lost. I'm too disappointed to link to the news item. You probably heard or read all about it anyway. I've been saying variations of "they asked for it" since the final whistle. All of this means about as much to you as a rhubarb jet*, I'm sure. Was I about to let a Champions League Final featuring United - won or lost - pass without comment. Nah, mate. Nah.

* band name?

Wednesday 27 May 2009

One-Shot (27/05/09)

This article, in microcosm, is why you ought to bookmark CHUD.com, if you haven't already done so. Think about it. S'hard, isn't it? Aside from your 2001's, of course. My contributions to this nerdiest of endeavours:
  1. Patlabor 1 - Mobile Police (1989); set in 1999.
  2. Patlabor 2 - The Movie (1993); set in 2002.
  3. Predator 2 (1990) ; set in 1997.
Incidentally, Patlabor 1 and 2 are also well worth your time. If mechanized Tokyo police do it for you, of course.

Tuesday 26 May 2009

Monday 25 May 2009

One-Shot (25/05/09)

It's been a big Bank Holiday Weekend for sport. However, in lieu of my usual "forcing sports commentary upon the unwilling" maneuver, I'll plug SModcast once more. That this podcast continues to deliver after over 80 episodes is nothing short of amazing. Unusually, I found myself a little behind of late. Part one of my catch-up was the sure to be classic 84th installment, "OUTBREAK!" I don't approve of the morally lax actions related towards the episode's end by the always great Bryan Johnson, but that didn't make the listen any less riveting. I strongly recommend checking it out, even if you have little to no time for Kevin Smith; conversation this candid is without price.

Sunday 24 May 2009

One-Shot (24/05/09)

With the exception of Rodney Dangerfield and the line "You, pick up that blood!", Caddyshack is a mess.

Saturday 23 May 2009

One-Shot (23/05/09)

Neutral Milk Hotel's "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" just doesn't work for me.

Friday 22 May 2009

One-Shot (22/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 17


Sure, it takes more abuse than integrity in a job centre, but the Limelight's special. It's a cultural institution; it's hosted many, many famous bands, a number of which you probably love (or loved.) The surprising diversity of its patrons makes it far from the worst place to queue for a weathered toilet.

Thursday 21 May 2009

One-Shot (21/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 16


The end is in sight. Don't mention it. Behold, City Hall by night! Not pictured: punk kids.

Wednesday 20 May 2009

23: Ladyhawke - "Ladyhawke" Album Review

While bathing, it occurred to me that I've been a little stingy with you lately. Sure, there have been One-Shots up the wazoo, Sexiest List updates (in labour, I believe, is the expression?), not to mention 2-D Belfast fun-time. However, aside from the odd gig mini-review, there's been nothing in the way of articles "proper" since I Love You, Man failed to adequately whelm me. To right this, here comes a review of an album released last September while I was busy not caring; it's all in the article. In the words of the Nunz, you are welcome.

* * *

Pip Brown a.k.a. Ladyhawke has been on my radar for the better part of a year. At first, the New Zealander struck me as just another 80's throwback artist cashing in on the gullible skinny girls and boys currently cluttering high streets. "Dusk Til Dawn" (and its accompanying video) seemed to evidence this. While fine, the song never seemed destined to make a lasting impact on me or truly register.

Until recently, that opinion remained unchanged. Then, weeks of hearing "Dusk..." and "Paris is Burning" convinced me my verdict was premature. The self-titled album rocketed to the top of my shopping list. I got it yesterday and I'm already convinced; in fact, I was before the first repeat play. Brown's a talent. Her songwriting is accessible, but not overly familiar, simple yet not rudimentary, and endearingly confident throughout. "My Delirium" and "Morning Dreams" are delicious pop, the latter thanks to a healthy dash of Secret Machines-like guitar work. "Back of the Van", meanwhile, comes on like Van Halen's spunky kid sister, before plunging into what I believe they call a "floor-filler." Not since Metric's Emily Haines has a female voice so demanded my attention. On her official site, Brown says:

"As primarily, above all else, a songwriter, I only ever wanted to create something that evoked feelings. I hope that Ladyhawke does. We were all once teenagers, listening to music at full volume, jumping on the bed with the door shut."

Mission - accomplished. Opportunities to transport back to that time, that feeling, are too precious to ignore. Don't.

Listen: !
Don't listen: if a captivating Kiwi dance songsmith is your "fingernails down a blackboard."
Ranking: 8 (Captain.)

--

Ian Pratt wishes he'd made more of an effort to learn to play his keyboard.

One-Shot (20/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 15


St. George's Market: home of eclectic, hard-to-resist foodstuffs and occasional music (Death Cab for Cutie last November!)

Tuesday 19 May 2009

One-Shot (19/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 14


Ah, the Empire. Nice place. Saw American Music Club there last September. And doesn't it look great? Amazing how descending a short staircase into darkness creates such ambiance.

Monday 18 May 2009

One-Shot (18/05/09)

Smug Logan a.k.a. Logan Huntzberger is less smug than originally believed. If your reaction just now was "yer wha?" or something to that effect, enrich your life.

Sunday 17 May 2009

One-Shot (17/05/09)

If yesterday's One-Shot proves anything, it's just how much of a vacuum this blog is. How else can an article so playfully rub Scouse noses in United's momentous title win and not garner even a single comment? Goading rival supporters and showing a complete lack and misunderstanding of sportsmanship is what Liverpool supporters do best. The results are in; truly, this is the back of beyond.

Saturday 16 May 2009

One-Shot (16/05/09): Manchester United Premiership Champions 08/09 Commemorative Special

- or- how the Scouse must Accept that one of their Greatest Comebacks is Destroyed.

Uninitiated, behold! Manchester United are Premiership Champions... again. And that's a fact. Just in case you missed the subtlety at work above, that's United... Champions.



Friday 15 May 2009

One-Shot (15/05/09)

General Public
a Hans Moleman Paraphrase Poem

I wish that I could breathe;
Your ignorance is choking me.

Thursday 14 May 2009

Wednesday 13 May 2009

One-Shot (13/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 12


Never underestimate the awesome power of apples.

Tuesday 12 May 2009

One-Shot (12/05/09)

No, Facebook. I'm not from England.

Monday 11 May 2009

One-Shot (11/05/09)

Jack Bauer helps destroy sore heads as well as evil.

Sunday 10 May 2009

One-Shot (10/05/09)

Jason X is hypnotically poor.

Saturday 9 May 2009

One-Shot (09/05/09)

I used to keep an eye on the Blogs of Note. Every time a new title appeared, I'd check it out. A succession of bland, wholly forgettable reads have destroyed this habit.

Friday 8 May 2009

One-Shot (08/05/09)

Back-Talk is back. You may have noticed *motions right.* But that's not what this is about. This is what this is about. You know when someone is so overcome with an emotion that they say "there are no words?" This isn't one of those times; there are plenty of words. However, the sight of some of these bozos (for that is what they are) is a menace to smiles. Like their own taste is a menace to reason, really. Just wanted to alert you to it. Remember: don't stare. The awfulness on display is almost hypnotic.

Also...

a new Star Trek film is released today. How many times do you get to say that? Hang tight for a response.

Thursday 7 May 2009

One-Shot (07/05/09)

You blog. Your blog is read by, on a good day, three people. Probably. 100% of these three people have zero interest in reading about football (presumably). But you like bringing them football news and reflections. Do you:
  1. Pander.
  2. Stick to your guns.
  3. Get sleep needed much.
Everything from 2 onwards, in ascending order. Behold!

It's yet more Champions League drama as Barcelona book a controversial place in the final against United!

Overriding thoughts: Drogba should've sealed the win without the need for a penalty - or penalties. His behaviour after the match was disgraceful (see also Terry, Lampard, and Ballack's ref-chasing.) Do you want to know more? Pose a question in the comments section belo- oh, now there's no need for profanity.

Goodbye, reader/s. Goodbye.

Tuesday 5 May 2009

One-Shot (05/05/09): Belfast Picture Tour, Part 11


Following on from yesterday's Morrissey mini-review, it seems fitting to off-load this otherwise odd (and, let's be honest, weak) photo of the Waterfront Hall. The snap owes its blandness not to the venue - as impressive inside as it is out - but to the photographer's poor composition and execution. Try and take a decent picture round there without suits wrecking it why don't ya?

I first sampled the Waterfront's gig-hosting prowess at 17 care of Feeder. If local advertisements functioned, I would've followed that up by attending the Father Ted celebration recently staged in the Comedy Club (which is not in the Odyssey, as first thought.) Or maybe it is? Local marketing is shocking.

Monday 4 May 2009

One-Shot (04/05/09): Morrissey Gig Mini-Review

Morrissey. Tour of Refusal. Waterfront Hall, Belfast. 02/05/09.

Here come the bullet points.
  • The Waterfront Hall is smaller than I remember it.
  • This is the most diverse crowd I've ever been a part of.
  • Starting with "This Charming Man" is amongst the smartest moves ever.
  • Sparse between-song banter suggests a firm understanding of the "less chat, more hat" axiom.
  • More Smiths. "How Soon Is Now", "Ask", and "Girlfriend In A Coma" all go down well.
  • "I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris" is class.
  • The crowd isn't annoying. Note to self: go to see less kiddie/scenester friendly bands.
  • One-song encore: "First of the Gang to Die." Everybody wins.

Sunday 3 May 2009

One-Shot (03/05/09)

With so many cack (pron. c'yack) videos out there, choosing only the best requires a level of quality control wholly lacking on most blogs. The urge to generate hits causes egregious errors of judgement; it's tough. Grandiloquent Vagaries destroys this problem like Jamie Redknapp destroys measured punditry. Exhibit A: Northern Ireland Daleks. I don't expect there to be much crossover appeal here. If you think that's going to stop me alerting you to its presence, hello and welcome to Grandiloquent Vagaries & Other Miscellany, a blog you'll never read again!

Episode 2 bests its predecessor in funny. That there is a link to it above is without coincidence. In the spirit of the series, I'd like to say fair play to its creators. Yiz 'er grand. Like like like.

N.B. I'd watch an episode of this before I'd watch an episode of "Doctor Who."

Saturday 2 May 2009

One-Shot (02/05/09)

Becks is a nice beer.

Friday 1 May 2009

One-Shot (01/05/09)

  1. When did your average "indie rock" video become a portrait of seemingly constipated/malnourished/disoriented robot boys and vacant girls?
  2. When will it stop?
This post was inspired by Bombay Bicycle Club's (!) "Always Like This", a listenable song with an irritating promo.