Which feature do you miss most?

Wednesday 31 March 2010

One-Shot (31/03/10)

Where's a new episode of The CHUD Show when you need one?

Tuesday 30 March 2010

One-Shot (30/03/10)

One thing that doesn't get said enough around here about sports - I wish those of you with no interest in any game or side knew how satisfying it feels when The Best Forward In The World Right Now (who plays for your team) puts you into the lead in the first minute, as Wayne Rooney has just done for Manchester United.

Monday 29 March 2010

One-Shot (29/03/10)

I'm very much looking forward to The Hold Steady's new record, Heaven Is Whenever. If you love unabashed rock 'n roll that comes on like the best local pub band you never heard, you'd do well to mark May 3rd in whichever phone you now use instead of a diary. You know, because that's the kind of demographic we shoot for here at Low Standards for High Fives.

Hold Steady. New album. May 3rd. They're good.

Sunday 28 March 2010

Saturday 27 March 2010

One-Shot (27/03/10)

Worst Saturday ever. Woke up early. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Day's as directionless as a student film.

Friday 26 March 2010

One-Shot (26/03/10)


I'm a fan.

One-Shot (25/03/10)

Well... I'm late. Sorry about that. I've been distracted (just ask Christophe!)

I have good news, though. "Euro-Talk: Mr. Ripley's Road Trip", the Best Back-Talk Episode Ever for my money, is now back to availability from our official web residence. Here's the description:

The episode affectionately referred to as Crisis On Infinite Back-Talks!

Christophe and Ian go to the movies for Back-Talk’s third special opus. Ian eviscerates Adventureland, seizing every opportunity to champion Hüsker and Bob Mould in the process. What does it take to get Ian to see a Harry Potter movie? If united in a single body, would Rebecca Hall and Scarlett Johansson form a Quato-esque abomination or sexy superbeing? Somewhere amidst this feature-length chat are the answers to these and other questions, as well as the pitch for a superior breed of teen comedy.

Try to contain your excitement, please. This is a respectable place!

Oh, it's below as well. In case you don't feel like clicking the link. Don't mention it.

Wednesday 24 March 2010

One-Shot (24/03/10)

Under normal circumstances, this One-Shot would be used to pimp the two new episodes of Back-Talk we released yesterday. However, that can't happen since someone else's stupidity means:
  1. The site is down.
  2. The venerable Christophe is currently trying to right things.
  3. Argh.
  4. Our best episode ever was released yesterday and less than a day later, we're decommissioned.
I'm even more sorry for having to apologize for something that isn't our fault than I am for the fact that we can't share our best stuff with "the world" because of another debacle beyond our control.

Sigh.

Tuesday 23 March 2010

One-Shot (23/03/10)

One of my first acts as Mack Daddy of lsfhf's Twitter (yeah, that's how I do things) was announcing my desire to see Chris Evans square off against Hugo Weaving's Red Skull in The First Avenger: Captain America. Well, it's happening! This also means he's gonna be rubbing shoulders with R.D.J. et al in The Avengers, as well as donning those snappy Star Spangled threads in Joe Johnson's impending solo affair. If you don't understand why this is good news, re-watch both Fantastic Four's and Sunshine, then get back to me on that.

Via CHUD* the home of awesome.

* Of course.

Monday 22 March 2010

A Reason To Be Cheerful

As I said to Christophe not long ago, I couldn't even say I dreamed of writing for CHUD.com one day because I simply didn't think of it that way. To me, it would've been like dreaming about what to buy Winona for our 6 month anniversary; it just didn't feel like something that should be dreamed about because, since it's likely never gonna happen, it's best not to get attached to the idea.

Well, today I offically started reviewing DVD's for CHUD.com. My first offering, an appraisal of the movie Good Dick, can be read here. For some time, CHUD's been my only daily port of call for movie news. And, though much maligned, their Forums are home to some of the finest, funniest discussions the web has to offer so it's no exaggeration to say that it's an absolute honour and privilege to contribute to what is without doubt my favourite website. Thanks to Nick, Eileen, Jeremy, Troy, and everyone else at CHUD for all their help and the opportunity to work with a wealth of talented writers and some of the coolest online film personalities around.

See ya in the Sewer!

One-Shot (22/03/10)

As the news of SModcast - sponsored by FleshLight - reaching episode #111 with "All Of Them Witches" arrived, I got to pondering - "what would be the most un-Carrie Bradshaw way of asking who would be the ideal sponsor for Back-Talk?"

Sony?
Magners Irish Cider?
Vice Magazine?
Capcom?
Kellog's?
Any major tobacco manufacturer?
Craig Bierko?

Who do you think would make a good sponsor for our little show?

One-Shot (22/03/10)

Sorry for keeping you. Been busy reveling in the glory of Manchester United's 2-1 triumph over the forces of Darkne-, sorry, "Liverpool." And being wound up by technology. Really wound up. If I didn't have such good self-control, there may well have been a bizarre spate of injuries caused by computers being ejected through windows.

Saturday 20 March 2010

One-Shot (20/03/10)

This wasn't the send off Croke Park deserved.

Friday 19 March 2010

One-Shot (19/03/10)

We mustn't forget how good packages arriving in the mail can be at cheering us up.

Thursday 18 March 2010

One-Shot (18/03/10)

I could've kept playing and playing at football tonight. Scored 4 and justified those tongue-in-cheek "White Drogba" remarks from before...

Wednesday 17 March 2010

One-Shot (17/03/10)

The defunct poll button may be gone, but the results and drive remain. You will have my All-Time Top 25 Sexiest List by year's end, at the latest.

Tuesday 16 March 2010

# 29 - Here (And Back Again)


"Thus, In Ireland, the problem of being a writer was in a very specific sense a linguistic problem. But it was also a political problem."
- Seamus Deane

"It's not easy being green."
- Kermit the Frog

--

Unless you write letters to Superbad congratulating "him" on the time he drunkenly headbutted that one chick, you're probably aware that tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. For most of you, this will mean one thing and one thing only: re/connecting with your inner "Irishness", regardless of whether or not you're from the Emerald Isle or connected to it on any level. Translation: you will remake Watchmen with yourself as Malin Akerman and alcohol as Patrick Wilson's penis. Well, as Joe Public and everyone he knows surrender any remaining autonomy by drinking themselves into oblivion tomorrow, all in the name of Ireland, I don't expect I'll be joining them.

Tomorrow, as with the other 364 days in the year, I expect I'll be preoccupied by something other than where the cheapest green Guinness can be found. That's Northern Ireland for you. Yes, as anyone familiar with me, this blog, and its podcast offspring will know, I am from Belfast. Depending on who you speak to, that's either "Belfast, Ireland" or "Belfast, Northern Ireland." In my case... well, it's somewhere in-between.

You see, for someone from a Protestant background, festivities like St. Patrick's Day are traditionally met with certain reactions. On the softer end of the scale, this means polite indifference or apathy. The other extreme involves wadding petrol-soaked sheets into a bottle and wondering where that darn lighter got to.

Much has been made in recent years of the great progress made in the Peace Process Here. This is not entirely unfounded. Stormont, the Northern Ireland Assembly, has returned and, though less than stable, has recently delivered the devolution of policing and justice to the Province (just about.) The last 18 months or so have seen a Roll Call of paramilitary assmasters putting their arms beyond use. Moreover, the mood "on the ground" is one of - to invoke Chasing Amy in a discussion of the Irish Question - "a more tolerant age." Football tops are less a walking bullseye than they once were and Irish heritage, traditionally a mainstay of the Catholic element of the community, has enjoyed a raised profile culturally (witness the rise of Irish language TV shows such as Blas Ceoil and the almost perfectly named Seacht.)

As is so often the case in this part of the world though, these achievements have been tarnished by a number of tragedies. A year ago this month, the attack on Massereene army barracks that resulted in the deaths of two British soldiers brought into sharp focus the threat still posed by dissident Republicans. Constable Peadar Heffron, the Irish speaking, Catholic captain of the PSNI's GAA team, lost a leg in a car bomb attack some months ago. More recently, an attempt was made to resurrect a Loyalist paramilitary faction. Apparently, all you need to do this is put "The real..." before the old title, like some sort of rubbish Ghost Busters.

And on and on.

Yesterday, the cover of the Belfast Telegraph caught my eye (see above.) Apologies for the picture quality. Webcam job.

Here are the salient stats from the poll behind the story:

* More people described themselves as Irish (42%) than British (39%.)
* 18% identify themselves as Northern Irish.
* 42% think that Northern Ireland will still be part of the U.K. in 2021, the centennial of the Province.
* 42% think the opposite.
* One in four Protestants (24%) said that they think Ireland will be united by 2021.
* 55% believe Northern Ireland should remain within the U.K.
* The poll suggests the Republic's economic woes influenced the current opinion towards reunification.

Perhaps the most interesting figure of all is also the clearest: nationality matters to 88% of people polled. At least, we seem to agree on that much.

What does this all mean, then? According to Maurice Hayes and Linda Beers, two contributors to the story at hand, nothing very encouraging. A continuation of the existing status quo. More of the same. There are those who find this stuff important while many young people don't.

It's been a long time since these issues didn't matter to me, but I still remember what it felt like. Even if I could recapture that, I wouldn't want to. Despite all the pain and uncertainty that the identity crisis this place can give someone, I'd take that over blindly getting poleaxed because the calendar tells me to any day. The same goes for giving someone a kicking because of the colour of their passport.

Maybe, we've been going about it all wrong. Maybe we shouldn't be so concerned about red, white, and blue or green, white, and gold. Maybe, to paraphrase a classic Gretzkyism, we shouldn't worry about where we came from as much as where we're going. If we keep going the way we are, we could have bigger problems than filling in nationality questionnaires.

--

Ian Pratt is split over his future existence, too. He does wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day, though (Beannacht Fhéile Pádraig!) It's all about moderation.

Sources:
The Belfast Telegraph, Linda Beers; Adrian Rutherford and Maurice Hayes.
"Joyce the Irishman." Seamus Deane.

One-Shot (16/03/10)

Back-to-Back-Talked today. Christophe brought the funny; I brought myself.

If you know a better way to spend an afternoon than critiquing Patrick Stewart's career, fancasting a fatsuited Christopher Morris in your sitcom, and being REALLY meta, I'd like to hear it.

Monday 15 March 2010

One-Shot (15/03/10)

Brown sauce is to ham and cheese toasties what Darren Fletcher is to Man United: the most valuable unsung hero.

Sunday 14 March 2010

One-Shot (14/03/10)

Hi. You may remember me from such blogs as Grandiloquent Vagaries & Other Miscellany and Back-Talk, the podcast offshoot of said blog.

If so, you'll be familiar with One-Shots, the backbone of my posts. These stand-alone missives are often used as a means of conveying otherwise sprawling, amorphous thoughts into snack form. Something I'm still waiting for credit for since I started doing these before Twitter exploded, by the way. But that's beside the point. The point is I usually dedicate these to the arrival of a new podcast or sporting event, but today I get to do something new and very cool.

Ellie is my friend and you must follow her blog, Through Being Cool. If you don't, I'm going to use this blog to cross promote hers so it'll be like you're following her anyway.

Good luck in the blogverse, Ellie. Even though your chosen title misleads, it's still great to have you around.

Saturday 13 March 2010

One-Shot (13/03/10)

Ireland's #13 celebrating his 100th cap with a victory over Wales - on the 13th - is more fitting than a Mötley Crüe comdom.

Friday 12 March 2010

One-Shot (12/03/10)

Sold. Now, all that remains is to give Chris Evans the Star Spangled shield and have done with it.

Thursday 11 March 2010

One-Shot (11/03/10)

It's not complicated. He or she is either with someone else or they aren't. Same goes for you. Semantic redundancy fixed.

Next.

Wednesday 10 March 2010

Tuesday 9 March 2010

One-Shot (09/03/10)

Allow me to take this opportunity to turn today's One-Shot into the latest in a long line of podcast endorsements. To be fair, I'll be doing it whether or not you permit it. That, people, is power itself. Which brings me (finally) to the point: most people get excited about the Oscars for the glitz; some of us, however, get excited for a different reason - a CHUD Show Oscar Special!

Monday 8 March 2010

One-Shot (08/03/10)

Who says illiteracy is not a laughing matter?

At least, that note's author inadvertently stumbled upon a killer tag-line for the probably inevitable Back To The Future remake.

Sunday 7 March 2010

One-Shot (07/03/10)

Though still a fledgling show, I actually fist-pumped and said "yes!" when I discovered the existence of Tell 'Em, Steve Dave Episode #2: "Et tu, Fanboy?" That's as much a reflection of the hilariousness of Bry and Walt as the crumminess of my weekend.

Underlying theme: drinking doesn't necessarily help.

One-Shot (06/03/10)

For the second week in a row, a Saturday (foreshadowing) One-Shot has arrived late* because I was busy drinking. Let it not be said that our stereotype quotient isn't met.

Pet-Peeve of the Moment:
Someone tells somebody else why something, anything can't happen. The recipient of this information responds "it's ok; don't worry!" excitedly/sarcastically (usually, whilst snickering like a tool) as though the bearer of said news (usually, me) is on the point of complete breakdown. Don't flatter yourself, toolbag. I'm just the messenger and you matter about as much to me as lyrics matter to the Saturdays (payoff?)

* Sorry about that, by the way.

Friday 5 March 2010

Thursday 4 March 2010

One-Shot (04/03/10)

With little more than a strained question and shake of the head, the dental receptionist revealed a long, sorry history of employee disharmony.

Wednesday 3 March 2010

One-Shot (03/02/10)

Made up porn title of the day: Be Coming, Jane.

Tuesday 2 March 2010

One-Shot (02/03/10)

"Snitches get stitches."

Words to live by those.

Monday 1 March 2010

One-Shot (01/03/10)

Certain tracks ("Black Wave/Bad Vibrations" and "The Well and the Lighthouse" particularly) from the Arcade Fire's Neon Bible would make excellent unconventional horror movie soundtrack choices.