One-Shot (28/02/09)

I won't lie to you: this post is about sport too. Rugby, this time. Wait! Don't go. You'll enjoy this just as much if you don't care about The Reds OR The Blues. Possibly, more so. Succinctly, Irish Captain Brian O'Driscoll shows why sportsmen and women should deal only in cliche. When they try something fancy, this happens. Still love ya, Brian.

As for today...

Come on, Ireland! Come on!

Bet you never saw that one coming.

20 - Anatomy Of A Hat-Trick

-or- Get Hi 2: Hier and Hier*

Now, in an Ian Dreams Exclusive, Chris Kamara interviews The Ginger One on his FIFA 09 online career.

Chris Kamara - "Ian, you've got off to an unbelievable three-game winning streak on FIFA 09. Has it sunk in yet?"

Ian - "I've been building up to this for months, trying to stay sharp and keep my eye on doing the job on the park. Yesterday, that's what I did. So yes, I'm very happy."

Chris Kamara - "That's an unbelievable understatement, Ian. First, you did the business with Bayern Munich in an unbelievable 2-0 win against your pal David's Barcelona. Then, an unbelievable win with Northern Ireland over England on penalties. What did that double mean to you?"

Ian - "More than words. Our win over England in 2005 was one of the highlights of my life. Achieving that result myself was little short of life-affirming."

Chris - "It wasn't all plain sailing was it, though? Dave put up an unbelievable challenge!"

Ian - "Absolutely, Chris. I was under no illusions going into the game how tough it was gonna be. But I said to myself - to all the boys in that dressing room - we go out there and we do it for Ulster. We go out there and beat them for every scrote from Ballymena to Ballyhackamore... for everyone with nothing but football in their hearts, and we did. They became men last night, those boys."

Chris - "What about your unbelievable first Northern Ireland league game against the mysterious challenger hynsebollox? Your fledgling Munich team were under the cosh in the first half, and went one - nil down to his unbelievable Inter Milan side. Did you ever think you might have met your match?"

Ian - "I knew, immediately, I was dealing with a serious contender, but my determination was constant. Once bollox scored, he grew complacent. That was our way back into the match. He became hasty, misplacing simple passes and so on. Identifying this, I pegged him back with constant pressure; I crafted patient, clear chances, while he snapped wildly at shots. Once I equalized, the game was mine. His panic proved to be his undoing."

Chris - "You famously caused a sensation when you transferred from Pro Evolution Soccer to FIFA, back in December. A lot of people wondered whether you might need a while to adapt. What do you say to those people now?"

Ian - "Three wins out of three speaks for itself. We're a young team, still learning, but we've sent a very clear message to our competitors, both North and South, that there's a new force in Irish football."

Chris - "Totally unbelievable. Unbelievable unbelievable unbelievable, unbelievably. Unbelievable?"

Ian - "I think that's a fair assessment."

Chris - "Thank you, Ian."

Ian - "Thanks. Well done."

--

* Non-football fans, get ready to skip!

One-Shot (27/02/09)

Evan Rachel Wood made "the list." That list - "Dream Women." Not the women I fantasize about being with, although she'd be on that one too. Instead, it's the list of women I have literally dreamed of.

No, not like that. Seriously. In an interesting change of pace from the Katherine Heigl prototype dream, this one didn't take the course of "impossibly beautiful woman asks me out; the end." Me and Evan were talking (about what I can't remember) on a brick wall (?) I stroked her hair (!); we made out (!!). The end.

So Ms Wood has made it onto two of my favourite lists. But will she number amongst my All-Time 25 Sexiest? Only time (and your "yes" votes) will tell. Keep believing.

One-Shot (26/02/09)

Ye call that pole-axed? Woop woop woop!

Great, right? It's nice looking forward to a new Simpsons again. Must of been a slow news day here yesterday 'cos 'In The Name of The Grandfather' (nice) and its impending St. Patrick's Day premiere (nice) made quite a splash on the news. If the potato men don't strike, I dunno what they'll do. Woop woop woop!

One-Shot (25/02/09)

I was up for the game. I hoped United were too. As is so often the case, though, I expected the worst. So when we set upon Inter like peanuts on butter, it was beautiful. Every shot of the so called "Special One" trying to hide his panic on the touchline was a triumph for human decency. It was a vindication that, as I assured my father before the game, I bore not fear towards him, only a boundless desire to see him put in his place (the sub-Fergie pretender bracket.) The Mouth earned his bread beforehand, saying this and that about United probably not even coming to the San Siro to attack, and stoking his own self-satisfied flames.

As is so often the case with his kind, he didn't have nearly as much to say on the pitch as he did off it. United violated Inter Milan with all the respect of a masked maniac. We were Mike from Swingers, "a Big Bear with big claws" just kind of batting them around, "poking them." Unlike Mike though, we knew just what to do with them - batter. That we didn't score at least once is a travesty. A combination of bad finishing and the delayed entrance of Wayne Rooney stopped us. Just.

Matches like that make me wish I'd made it, and not for the first time lately. But you knew that already. You probably thought it as soon as the words "game" and "United" appeared. Before I squander what (if any) goodwill remains from non-football readers, let me say this to United regarding the return leg:

You are Clarence J. Boddicker, they are Emile, the goop-soaked goon. Floor it.

One-Shot (24/02/09)

Recent attempts to reach the end of last week's Smodcast have been destroyed like so many Ewoks. iTunes wouldn't download it, the mp3 wouldn't play for me, and don't even start me on the pop up "buffering" on kangaroo petrol.

The pay-off was worth it, though. Episode 76, "The Great One" reunites Kevin Smith with the long-absent Scott Mosier and the results are among their greatest ever. Mos's travelogue is often hilarious, but it really rockets when Wayne Gretzky comes into figurative play. On this evidence, he'd make a crackin' guest. After my footballing musings of yore, the parallels between the Canadian hockey legend and myself are undeniable. Passion-wise, of course. There's a beer in Belfast with your name on it, Wayne.

Speaking of pay-off: Episode 77, "Nipple Rot" arrived bright and early this week. Get right in.

One-Shot (23/02/09)

A year ago, I would've have zero compunction about staying up to watch the Oscars live. Very possibly, in their entirety. Nowadays, it's Sky+ all the way. Observations:

1. Hugh Jackman's a bit good.
2. Tina Fey + Steve Martin are class acts.
3. Even though Dan spoiled the two awards I was most looking forward to via Facebook, I'm still really looking forward to them.

I forgive you, Dan. I forgive you.