I feel stupid. No, really. Really, really fucking stupid.
Are you wondering why? Don’t blame you if you aren’t. I’m not, I’m just aware, constantly reminded by life’s innocuous coincidences, kept up by the thought of it. Bah.
Ian should have warned you. I’m always like this.
Some introduction huh? Well, I’m angry. Can you tell? Could two and two possibly make four?
I’m angry that I’m watching someone I love slowly kill themselves. Can you fault my anger? It is the most crippling thing to watch someone die, albeit slowly when all you can do is offer to top up, rack up and light up for them because it’s easy, it’s friendly and it’s all you can do to avoid the legitimate and obvious recourse you know has to be enacted.
I’ve been hesitating to post. Can I be blamed?
I’ll try not to ask so many questions but I fear all I’ll do instead is rant, blubber and shout. I’ve been in this position for so many years now and the worst thing from my limited perspective is the fact that I’m creeping towards the very same state. As cathartic as this article ought to be, it feels like an exercise in the unloading of one’s personal burden. Guilt again, I am surprised.
Alcoholism is one of many addictions people can suffer from and none of them are any worst than another. Fact.
Heroin, Bullying, Cocaine, Depression, Cigarettes, Sex, Social Vampirism, Alcohol. Okay they are all very different addictions, some of them could be argued to be frames of mind. Then, what is addiction?
Of the three I have listed that would veer towards that categorisation, they are red herrings, inserted with the sole purpose of clarifying the idea that they are all frames of mind and the users/victims/(appropriate terminology here) all suffer from a mental infliction that consumes every waking moment of their lives. They are capitalised because they are all conditions, if not medically called so, they are all inflictions which can either be medically explained or they all have the hallmarks of an irrefutable medical condition, addiction. Mental, physical, or otherwise.
I presume that some of you are expecting an answer, some of you are wondering whether or not there is a point to this diatribe. The truth is there isn’t. What could I possibly say to ease the pain of people in this very situation. What advice could I give them? I know nothing about my situation other than appeasement. No questions, yeah hold me to that later.