16: The Problem With The Internet?

It connects you with ass-heads. And for everyone dead on, there are, at least, ten dingleberries. I've mentioned before my love for CHUD.com. I'm no stranger to posting on the boards there, which is where this incident was incited.

Note: a rejected subtitle for this post was "-or- On Ire, Ireland du Nord and Bigotry." Anyone who gets the reference can expect more of the same. That said, proceed with caution. If you haven't learned by now not to come here for feel-good screeds, your deja vu is deserved.

Note 2: I came so very close to posting this yesterday. What follows is the reflection of an unusually restrained Ian. Names have been edited. Also, you might wanna grab a drink. This is a long 'un.

If not for Facebook, CHUD.com would have reconnected me with BOB CONTRABAND.* Of all my high school buddies, Bob was a guy I always felt a special bond with.** Losing contact with him after graduation hurt, until Facebook reconnected us. One of the many great things about the usually blandasgetout "Hey, it's YOU!" conversation was learning that Bob shared my love of CHUD. Being a long-time reader, his presence encouraged me to stop snooping and finally join its forums.

At first, things were grand. We'd pass one another like kids in the hall, saying hi and shooting it about films or whatever the thread was about. Great stuff, a familiar face with a cool avatar to help ease me in.

Or not.

Almost immediately, Bob seemed to turn on me. Not ball-busting, mind you. Just enough off-hand condescension to catch my attention. I'm all for a little ribbing between friends.**** The difference between that, though, and something altogether more sinister is not lost on me. After these incidents continued, I was left in little doubt that Bob was, in fact, roasting my ass. If I posted a comment in praise of someone/something, he'd be the prosecution. This never truly bothered me, until one of the sites English elder statesmen joined sides with Bob. That's when things got "real."

Ever the stereotype, I noticed no Irish threads to compliment their American/British/etc counterparts. Curious as to how many Chewers hail from the Emerald Isle, I set up the modestly titled All-Ireland Chewers League so that we might say "howyeh?" and "what about 'ye?" to each other, if indeed there were any more than me and Scott. I also left the door open to anyone of Irish ancestry/ex-pats/or anyone who just wants to talk Blarney. That's just the sort of me.

Initially, it went well. Despite Bob's undermining of the move (on the grounds that it would "be a chat between three people") the thread prospered, drawing more Irish out of the online woodwork. In the U.K. Chewer thread, I tried to coax ZED DOCKEN, a respected Californian Chewer buddy, to visit our sodden N'Irish shores. The banter was smooth and plentiful. Essentially, it became a noticeboard for foreigners to announce impending trips and arrange cheap accommodation/drinking buddies. At this point, MIKE AGGRO, a Leeds native, appeared. I'm familiar with Mike. I even had some time for the guy based on his comments across the Sewer, prior to him cyber-sniping me in various music and television discussions.

Quoth Aggro - "I am mildly entertained at how we've segregated the few U.K. Chewers we have into their respective nations. Devolution is hot even on the Internet, it would seem."*****

Bob's retort - "Even more entertaining is how it was all started by a guy from Northern Ireland who is a Protestant. Aren't we meant to be in the U.K? (insert sticky-out tongue emoticon.)"

There we were, me and my online movie buddies chatting about Dublin and talking holidays when Captain Killjoy came barging in. Moreover, this wasn't the first time Bob and Mike tag-teamed me. But I digress. Rather than submit all of my response, I made the following points:

1. Don't call me British.
(MUST-RESIST-TIRADE!)
2. Don't call me Protestant.
(see above)
3. I didn't "devolve" Jack. I spoke for myself and myself alone.
(It's true.)
4. Aggro, you are a drone with no love in your soul.
(Also true. Though, I put it in a more moderator-friendly way.)

The response was swift and annoying.

Bob flashed a big grin which, of course, I took derisively, when coupled with the comment - "I'll laugh to myself, then, from now on."

Aggro - "I read that long, moving speech and 'take pity on us, we're oppressed!' was all I took from it. I was simply registering my amusement at you attempting to segregated the few UK Chewers there are (who are united through commonalities like the BBC, anyway) into separate threads. Then, you went into a rant about unionism. That's what I get for trying to have a remotely civilized conversation with an Irishman."

Comment + Me = Grrr.

The main points of my reply:

1. Once again, I have spoken for myself... no one else. I certainly haven't "devolved" anyone. You are mistaken, Aggro.
2. You make massive generalizations about political structure which overlook local government (one of the many ways we're separated by more than just the Irish Sea.)
3. You are a racist. As such, you let down all of the lovely, enlightened Englishmen and women I have ever met. Better make that any well adjusted person. Pity... I used to like you.

5 minutes later:

Aggro - "Having endured lectures on the 'Evil English' from several extended-family members in Derry, I find your view of Republicanism as 'enlightened' amusing. Many Brits have doubtless been guilted into taking all the blame for the Troubles, but I won't be one of them."

Me - I'm not Ken Loach and this isn't some agenda-of-rage prestige picture. I never said Republicanism (in the militaristic sense you wrongly imply I meant) is enlightened and I wouldn't be the sort of person to defend either the sort of rhetoric you've heard or those from 'the other side.' I thought that was clear from the above. It isn't about 'us vs. them/wrongly stereotyped Brits.' To prove my point, last year I slated Rose McGowan for her idiotic remarks regarding the IRA******.... Also, any English to be 'guilted into taking all the blame for the troubles' are misinformed idiots. So too are those who would have them do it. Despite what you try to make out, that's not what I do/did. You sure can read into things what you want. That's Troubles with a capital 'T', by the way.

Gloves be-gone, right? At this point, Zed stepped in and defused the altercation. I lamented the loss of my temper and offered the proverbial olive branch to Mike. Unsurprisingly, he declined to comment.

I haven't enjoyed writing this. By simply participating in the forum, I may have alienated Bob, the very friend I was so glad to be back in contact with and, at once, made a Sewer Nemesis in Mike. It's been buggin' me for days. I know I got a little heated, but I can't imagine anyone in my position reacting much differently. Am I wrong? Do outbursts like the above make me one of the online halyins you're likely to run into, an exception, or just Joe Schmo with his back up? Is it gauche to answer your own questions? The answers to none of these questions are sure to not feature in the comments section below.

* http://lsfhf.blogspot.com/2008/12/4-on-ire-irland-du-nord-and-football.html
** Groping George Lazenby*** just wasn't the same without him.
*** Band name?
**** All too easy.
***** Paraphrased, like all non-me speakers.
****** http://lsfhf.blogspot.com/2008/12/5-debunker.html

--

Ian Pratt would urge anyone to watch Paul Greengrass's Bloody Sunday, if all you got from the above was "huh?" and even if you didn't.